All I ever wanted to be
by ToxicDoll
Summary: Demi never was cast on Barney; she and Selena never became friends. 18 years later, Selena, who is Dallas' best friend, feels the need to disappear for a while to make a big decision for her career. Fate is about to correct the mistake made so long ago.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is an AU story. English is my second language, so I apologize in advance. I don't think I butchered the grammar and spelling too much, though. Comments and reviews will be greatly appreciated. Please enjoy.

Chapter One

New York City

Demi looked outside her window at the falling rain and sighed. It was the kind of New York evening she enjoyed the most, but right now it was a very difficult thing to do. She hated that she had to look for a new job. Again. It was the third time this year, and it was only may. God, it was so depressing sometimes. A string of meaningless jobs one after the other. Perhaps it was her fault, she didn't deny it, but still it was depressing. To say that nothing in her life had ever gone according to plan was the understatement of the century.

She was wearing blue jeans, boots, one of her favorite t-shirts from a long forgotten concert, sitting in a couch by the only window in her small apartment that had a view. It had two rooms, one bathroom, a small living room, a little kitchen with a breakfast nook, and a lot of full bookshelves. Really. A lot. Perhaps it wasn't big, or fancy, but it was hers.

She stared at the Times wanted section, yet it was extremely hard to start browsing. But it was either that or asking for help from big sister. Or even worse, mother. No, the thought alone was enough to send a shiver down her spine. She would rather live in the subway before she did that. She was being a little over dramatic, her savings sufficient to cover the rent for at least 3 months, and still have an adequate amount to buy food, pay the utilities, transport, etc. She was a good at managing her money. But even so, the job market was in the toilet, especially for M.A.´s.

Ha! That was a good joke. A fucking M.A. in Comparative & World Literature was a great thing, but only if most universities aren't afraid to hire you for fear you would blow the whistle on a world famous, Nobel Prize-winning professor. Not that the bastard didn't deserve it, but it had turned her into persona non grata at most schools.

So she forced herself to open the Times, but her options were insubstantial. She probably would end up at telemarketing, for the nth time. At least until a supervisor got wind that she was extremely overqualified for the job and fired her, as had happened with most of the jobs she had had in the past four years. But if she was certain of something in this life, it was of three things: 1.- She wasn't going to teach toddlers ever again, it had been one of the worst experiences ever. 2.- She wasn't going to work at fast food joints. And finally, she was not going to ask for money from Dallas or Mum.

She realized she was not going to be able to concentrate, so she grabbed her BlackBerry, her bag, a raincoat and an umbrella, and went outside to walk to her neighborhood's coffee shop. After locking the door she sighed and went back for the paper, and finally walked out into the rain.

Los Angeles

"Ohh come on Selly! Let's go out, it's Saturday for crying out loud!"

"Yes, I'm aware it's Saturday, Dallas" Selena said with a laugh "But it's not even 4pm and you're already thrashed!"

Dallas Munroe was perhaps Selena's best friend. She had known her for what seemed like forever, since they met on the Wizards of Waverly Place set when the older girl guest starred as a slightly psychotic wizard who tried to take over the world. Selena often joked that older girl had just been acting as herself.. In their own right they were both successful young people, Selena being Disney's queen, the star of their most successful show ever, a long string of movies, and a bunch of records. Dallas was the star of the sci-fi show Fringe, and a couple of summer blockbusters. In a nutshell, they were girls who had everything going on for themselves.

But right now Selena's mind was preoccupied with things other than partying all weekend long. She had broken up with Nick for the second time in as many years, but this time she knew it was different. Well, more than knowledge, she had a feeling deep in heart. And it was not a nice one. That was the reason she came to the star's home in Beverly Hills, she needed someone to talk to. And yet Selena had to admit that even though she loved Dallas dearly, she had not been her first choice. She would rather have a serious talk with Taylor or Miley, but they were out of town.

Not that Dallas was a bad person, because she wasn't. She was a kind, caring, loyal girl once you got past her party-girl exterior. But party she did. A lot. And right now she looked seriously sloshed.

"Selly! Please! I wanna go partying!" Dallas whined while looking at her, taking another drink from her beer.

"Dallas, I really think you've drunk enough for the both of us already, now please, sit down and listen to me, I have something important I need to discuss with you."

The girl pouted but did as she was told, and sat on the couch in front of the one her brunette friend was. Selena had always been amazed at how Dallas did her bidding nine times out of ten, but psychoanalyzing her, as much fun as it sounded, would have to wait.

"OK, what do you wanna talk to me about?" she asked while taking yet another swig from her beer "Do you need me to kick that sorry Jonas jerk's ass? ´Cuz I will do it, you know I will. I will beat him so bad his grandsons will hurt!"

Selena had to laugh at her friend's eagerness to hurt the curly-haired boy. "No Dallas, I don't want to talk about him. Believe it or not, the breakup is not really affecting me. I sort of expected it. We really were not meant to be. Honestly. It's just that, well, I haven't been feeling myself this past few days, and breaking up with him just made me realize some other things" she said pensively.

"Mmm… OK, what is it then?" Dallas said while starting to get a little bit worried about her raven-haired friend. She loved Selena, and she would do anything for her.

"It's just that, well, I'm twenty-five Dal, and I'm still working for Mr. Mouse," Selena looked at her friend's eyes before continuing "I mean, I never planned it like this, I never planned to do Wizards until I was twenty-two, I mean, come one, it was just like Sabrina the Teenage Witch goes to college, who buys that?"

Dallas could see Selena was clearly frustrated, and instantly wished she hadn't started drinking so damn early. "But Selly, it can't be that bad, you've done great things, and kids still love you" she put down her beer and walked around the coffee table to sit with her friend. She gave her a small pat in the knee to encourage her to keep talking.

"That's the point Dal," she continued, "I'm not complaining about it, I think it's great kids still look up to me, but I want more, I want to be a serious actress, not just another Disney princess, and an aging one at that." She chuckled slightly at that. "Look at Taylor, look at Miley, they got away from Mr. Mouse when they had the chance, and they're doing great. I want to do more with my life, do some serious acting, but right know what everyone cares about is my breakup with Nick, and whether or not there'll be another Wizards movie."

"Don't forget Princess Protection Program 3: Royally Screwed" said Dallas cheerfully, at which Selena had to laugh somewhat bitterly.

"Oh I seriously doubt Emma Roberts is willing to play Rosie for a third time, not after winning an Oscar. And that's also what I mean," she said excitedly "Look at her, she runs away from Disney and she wins an Academy Award, that's what I want. To do something more with my life." She noticed a slightly confused look in her friend's face, so she kept going, "Don't get me wrong, I love my fans, I love their supportiveness, and I am extremely grateful with Disney for the opportunity they gave me, for believing in me, but I feel like I need more. And well, my contract's up for renewal next month."

"I think I understand you" Dallas said sympathetically, "But it's a very serious decision, since we're talking about not renewing with The Rat" Selena laughed hard at that, "You better think hard about it, but I'm pretty sure most studios would be glad to have a star like you in their payroll"

"Thanks for that Dal, you're great!" Selena smiled at her slightly less intoxicated bestie and gave her a real big hug.

"Uhmpph, let go kiddo, you know I'm not a hugger. Besides, we're stars we must always keep our cool" Dallas said with a cheesy grin.

"I know I have a very important decision to make, but I would also like some peace and quiet to do it. I'd like to go someplace where people wouldn't recognize me, or where I could at least remain unnoticed" She sank back in the couch, "I was thinking about Europe or a Caribbean island or something along those lines."

"Actually that would be an extremely bad idea. To go anyplace where you need to use your passport leaves an electronic and paper trail that anyone with a little patience and few resources can follow," Dallas mulled things over while taking a tiny sip from her beer, "How long do you think it would take the paparazzi to find you? I would suggest not getting out of the country, and getting there via car or bus, never by plane, train, boat or anything that requires you to show an ID to buy a ticket."

"Wow, where the hell did you learn that?" Selena asked intrigued "I thought databases of people's itineraries where kept private"

"Well it's supposed to be that way, but any decent hacker with a netbook and a high-speed internet connection can get inside the airlines and hotels reservations computers, or the paparazzi can just bribe someone to take a look for them." Dallas answered while getting up and walking to the small fridge in a corner of the room to get another Guinness. She silently offered Selena one and this time she didn't said no.

"And you know this how?" Selena queried while accepting and opening the cold, dark beer.

"My sister told me"

"Madison? How can she know that, she's only sixteen" Selena asked with an expression of disbelief in her face

"No of course not Madison, don't be silly! My other sister, Demi, told me once, and she knows ´cuz she's extremely smart, you know." Was Dallas answer to Selena's unspoken question. "Around three years ago I was feeling a bit down and told her it would be fun to run away from it all, you know, just for kicks. She told me people can trace you anywhere, and it's not just the government who can do it anymore. She said that if I was serious about it, I should use only cash, travel by car, and try to use my ID as little as possible. Oh and buy a disposable cell phone too! I not sure why this information stuck with me for so long, maybe because it surprised me she knew so much about disappearing."

"Wow!" Now Selena was truly amazed. "But how does she know that?"

"I told you, she's really smart. Actually, I think Eddie said once that she totally qualifies as a genius."

"Wow! But speaking of her, how come she hasn't been over to visit lately?" Selena asked, her curiosity was piqued, and all the while a plan was starting to take shape in her head.

"We, I don't know how to say this, but well, I mean" Dallas stuttered while trying to think of a way to explain to Selena why indeed her sister had not visited in a long time. "It's just that, well, you remember the Barney audition?" When Selena nodded she continued "Well, you know my mom, God knows I love her, but she can be very difficult. When Demi didn't got cast, she gave her the silent treatment for a month, and God it's hard to say this" she said, looking anywhere but her friend's eyes. "Mom blamed Demi for it, and she kind of punished her for it for the next 6 years"

Selena gasped at that, she knew Dianna was a hard person to please, but that seemed like a really harsh thing to do. She waited for Dallas to continue.

"Anyway, as I said, she always was a very smart kid, off to college at age sixteen, right about the time you and I met. I guess that's why you never saw her around a lot. Well, long story short, she went to college on a full scholarship, got her degree, then she went on to get her Master's, and well, she never came back home, just occasionally on the holidays."

"But Dal, Mom and I spent the last Thanksgiving and Christmas with you guys in Texas and she wasn't there, how come?"

"It's just that, well, mom shut her off, and I kind of did so too" Dallas sat down far from Selena, actually ashamed of herself. She looked down at her lap, and never at her friend while she continued. "She had this brilliant future ahead of her, and just after she got her Master´s at twenty-one, maybe one of the youngest in the history of SUNY, she reported a very famous professor who had been sleeping with some of her students in exchange for good grades. And even though an investigation proved Demi right, most universities had her unfairly pinned as a troublemaker, and no one would hire her. She's been forced to make a living through a series of meaningless jobs. That pissed off mom too, you know. The shame one of her daughters brought onto the family."

"Dal, it's ok" Selena said in a sweet voice, surprised to see this side of her friend. She always was very guarded when it came to her true feelings, and Selena was happy she had come to trust her enough to open up to her. She was also impressed with this Demi. And maybe a little envious too, she never had the chance to go to college.

"It's just, that deep down, I know I could have been a better sister to her." Dallas wiped a little tear from her right eye and kept going, "But you know mom, I've just never been strong enough to stand up to her, it's always been easier to just go along with everything she says, and well, I guess I lost a sister in the process." She looked at her brunette friend and said, "And the saddest part is, Madison hardly knows her. To her, Demi is just someone from her past whom she sees sporadically. Someone who sends her presents on her birthday, nothing more really" Her eyes were red with unshed tears by now, and she was slightly uncomfortable at her display of emotions "I'm sorry Sel, I didn't meant to go all sappy on you."

Selena stood up, went to her friend, and gave her the biggest hug ever, and this time she didn't complained. "No Dal you don't have to be sorry, I'm so glad you trust me with this, really, I am. But you need to do something about it, and I think I know how to start." She had the biggest, Cheshire-Cattiest, smile on her face.

"Oh no, you have a plan, don't you?" Dallas voice clearly denoted anxiety. She hated Selena's plans. They always ended up in blood and tears. Or as Taylor had once said: If Selena makes the plan, there's a 100% chance it won't work.

"Oh yes, I do have one, and it can beneficial to both you and me"

"What are you talking about?" Dallas was actually curious, but still not sure she should go along with this.

"Well, I need a place to hole up for a couple of weeks, somewhere the press won't even dream about looking for me," the Wizards star eyes shone "You need to find a way to reconnect with your sister, and she might not mind putting up with a paying houseguest to help pay the bills." She was intrigued with this middle Munroe, and she would meet her with or without Dallas' help.

"You're nuts, you know?" By now, Dallas was sobering up fast,

"Why? It's a good plan. I get my time away from this rat race, I get to help my bestie with her estranged sister, and I get to help said sister with her meager income, if what you said about her only having low-paying jobs is still true."

"Oh trust me, it still is" Dallas sighed, and continued, "That's why she wasn't here for Thanksgiving or Christmas, she couldn't afford the airfare, and she refused to use the tickets I bought her."

"Well, we need to change that, take out your phone and tell her I'm going to stay at her place for a couple of weeks."

"I have a really bad feeling about this." Dallas took out her phone, and reluctantly dialed her sister's number.

New York City

Demi was sitting near the window at Rick's Cafe Americain, sipping slowly her cup of Prima Lavado Coatepec, americano style, cream, no sugar. She really loved her coffee. It was one of the things she liked the most about New York, there's a coffee shop in every corner. Just like in Europe. Not that she had ever been to Europe, but she had read about it.

Watching the rain come down, especially with a nice, piping hot, cup of coffee was one of her greatest pleasures. But today it was different. She felt restless. It had been like that the whole day. Maybe it was the after-effect of being fired from yet another job, but it wasn't likely. She had been fired so many times it barely registered anymore. And somehow it had proven impossible to concentrate on the wanted ads, so she stopped trying.

When her berry started ringing, she stared at the caller id and had this weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, like suddenly she found herself in the presence of great evil.

"What do you want Dallas?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

New York

"What do you want Dallas" Demi's voice oozed irritation, she was not pleased at all to answer the phone call, but she always did. Maybe it was out of habit; maybe she wasn't ready to completely sever all ties with her family. She wasn't sure. Yet even if she always answered, it didn't mean she had to be thrilled about it.

"Hey little sister, how are you?" If Demi sounded annoyed, Dallas was feeling afraid. Every time she had to speak with her sibling, Dallas got anxious. The divide between them was too big for her to ever be relaxed, it just was impossible. "How's everything going? The weather OK over there? Are you in the middle of something? I'm not interrupting, am I? ´Cuz I can totally call you later, or even tomorrow. Whenever it´s good for you." She rambled on.

"I'm as good as ever." Demi sighed while wondering what could be going through her older sister's mind. "Everything's peachy, like always. I was just fired again, you know? Yesterday. Same old story; some jerk in accounting got around to checking my credentials, brought them to the attention of management, and they decided it was not worth the company's while to pay someone like me $7.50 an hour, because I could totally get a better job. So yeah, I'm great. Oh, and the weather's wonderful, it always is." She hadn't meant to snap like that at Dallas, but now she couldn't stop herself. "So yeah, Big Sis, the only thing you're interrupting is my daily session of self-loathing, so right now is as good a time as any, how can I help you?" her voice was pure contempt.

Dallas could feel her anger rise at the words of her sister, but that anger was directed at herself, not at her sister. She sighed and spoke again. "I'm really sorry Demz, honest to goodness I am. It never was my intention to upset you. I'll call you again tomorrow; just hang in there, kid. Or you can call me. If you need someone to talk, I mean. You know, anytime. Goodbye." Dallas tendency to ramble while nervous surfaced.

Demi liked to think she was not a bad person; she always tried to be if not exactly pleasant, at the very least civil with her older sister. She couldn't understand why she had snapped at her. She chalked it up to frustration, so she took a deep breath to calm herself a bit, and before Dallas could hang up, she spoke. "Wait, Dallas, wait. I'm sorry I bit your head off. I didn't mean to; whatever's wrong with me, it's not your problem. I apologize. How's everything on your side? Are you OK? I never miss an episode of your show, it´s great!" She said in all honesty.

But even that honesty didn't serve to assuage the feeling in Dallas' heart. She took a deep breath to still herself, and finally said: Oh, thank you! I'm so glad you find it worth your while. Maybe one of these days you could come visit, and I can give you a tour of the set, and introduce you to the cast! I'm sure you'd enjoy meeting them, especially Joshua and John!"

"We'll see. Maybe one of these days I'll take you up on your offer" She really didn't mean it, but I seemed like something Big Sis wanted to hear, so she was totally glad she'd lied. She was sure Dallas had something else on her mind, so she decided to get over with the small talk. "How's Madison?"

"Maddie's doing great" Dallas said, obviously proud of her youngest sister. "Sonny with a chance got picked up for another season, you know! The guys at the company are very happy with her work, and now they're talking about record and movie deals! Well, made-for-TV movies, but still, it's a great thing for her and her career. Maybe if you come visit, she can take you to her set too!"

"Well, be sure to tell her I love her. Now, I'm guessing this is not really a social call, so what can I do for you?"

"Hi Demi, it´s Selena." A different voice came through the phone line. "Russo, Selena Russo." She added almost as an afterthought. "I´m here with Dal, we have you on speakerphone."

"Well, Selena… Russo, if I was on speaker, then you've heard how's everything on my side, and I don't want to be rude or anything, but as you may or may not know, I never chitchat with my dear Big Sis, so let's cut to the chase and one of you please tell me what the fuck is going on!"

"Wow!" Selena thought. That girl was really something. The weirdest part was that now she was even more intrigued about her than before. "Ohh, well, actually I had her call you. I wanted to say hi to you, after all, you're my girl Dallas' sister! And you and I have never actually talked, and I thought we should change that. You know, get to know each other, have a heart to heart, tell each other a bunch of secrets, have a sleepover. And being the amazing, smart, friendly, and let's not forget modest, person that I am, I'm taking the first step." Selena said lightheartedly.

Demi sighed before answering, as her evening was taking a definite turn into the surreal. Had the gods not punished her enough that now they had to suffer this plague upon her? "I'm sorry, but I have to ask this, are you guys high, drunk, or possibly both? Dallas sounds a somewhat drunk, and I wouldn't be surprised if she was high too. You, I just don't know you at all to tell from your voice, but I'm betting you are, because in my experience, no one can be so upbeat without chemical help."

"Hahaha" Selena laughed. "You're such a funny girl, Demz. I can tell we're gonna get along great when I come visit you!"

"Excuse me? What do you mean?" Demi could feel the beginning of a massive headache in the back of her eyes. She waved at the barista and signaled for more caffeine. It would have to do, since she knew she couldn't get her hands on anything stronger.

"Yeah, Selena needs a favor, and I thought you might not mind, seeing how you like helping people." It was Dallas´ turn to speak. Well, Demi did like helping people, didn't she? "You know, she´s my best friend, and I wouldn´t be asking if it wasn´t important. Please, listening to us will only take a couple of minutes of your time, OK?"

After a few seconds, the response came. "I'm still here."

"Thank you. You're a good sister." Dallas almost expected Demi to answer: "I am, and you are not." But Demi kept her tongue so she continued "It's not really that big a deal, actually. Selena wants to, how can I put this? She wants to disappear for a while, you know. To fade away from the public´s eye for a short period of time." Dallas explained with calmness she didn´t feel. "And she needs a place to stay for a few days, so I suggested that she could stay at your place. It really would just be for just a few days, two weeks at the most."

"Are all the hotels in town booked?" Demi answered rather sarcastically, her headache getting worse by the minute. "I didn't realize." At least the barista had already delivered her cup.

"No, it's not like that, Selena really wants to stay under the radar for a few days, and I recalled that conversation we had a few years ago; you know, the one about me wanting to vanish for a short while. We thought about it and, well, staying at a hotel is out of the question, she would be recognized almost instantly, that's how we came to consider your place. You have to admit the connection between you two is so faint the paparazzi are going to be hard pressed to make it."

"Is this some kind of joke?" Demi was completely stunned. "You want me to hide Disney's Queen in my apartment for two weeks? Are you completely insane? The Mouse would send a squad of hit men to skin me alive! Then they would probably nail my disembodied head to the wall of one of his stupid castles so the villagers could throw rotten tomatoes at it." Demi actually shivered at that.

"Oh Demi, it´s not that bad. I seriously doubt Disney would try and make an attempt at your life." Selena had a hard time not to laugh. "It' would be serious bad publicity. At most they would make you listen to "it´s a small world" a couple hundred times until your brain leaks out of your ears and nose." Now she laughed, but when her laughter was met with silence from the other end of the line, she continued "Besides, I would be a really cool houseguest. I´m funny, I can clean up after myself, I can do the dishes. I can try and cook for you but my cooking skills don't go beyond nuking a burrito." Selena laughed and hoped Demi would warm up to her.

"As great as that sounds, would you mind terribly if I spoke in private with Dallas?" Demi said annoyed. "Actually, I don't care if you do mind. Dallas, turn the damn speaker off, right know."

Selena watched her bestie do as told, for the second time in less than an hour, and again she was amazed by her behavior. She'd vowed earlier she wouldn't psychoanalyze her today, but it was so tempting, and so much fun! She concluded that maybe Dallas did her bidding because Selena reminded her of her little sister, or guilt. Possibly both. No, scratch that. Most likely the answer was both. Whatever it was, she took it a sign that going to New York to work out her problems, and at the same time helping Dallas fix her relationship with Demi was totally the right thing to do. Sometimes she wished she had gone to college, she could have been one hell of a shrink. Oh well, no sense dwelling on that at the moment. She made herself comfortable while waiting for Dallas to finish convincing her stubborn sister.

"Demi, maybe I was a little out of line hitting you out of the blue with this, but it really would mean a lot to me." Dallas said earnestly. "I know I really don´t have any right at all to ask you for anything, but I'm begging you, please. It´s not for me, it´s for my best friend, and I wouldn´t ask you if it wasn´t important for her."

Demi was not sure what to feel. The sister who could never even dream to stand up for her, who never really tried to be there for her, was pleading her to help her best friend. If it wasn´t so fucking pathetic it would be kinda funny. A part of her brain was screaming to tell Dallas to go to hell, and take Selena…Russo with her. God, now she would probably never be able to separate those to names for the rest of her life!

Yet her heart was in complete opposite from her brain. Her heart believed Dallas actually loved her best friend, if she was capable to face the wrath of Demi for her. Ha ha. The wrath of Demi. That was hilarious. She should probably write it down before she forgot about it. Anyway, Dallas had to have no expectations that Demi was gonna be gracious with her. And still she had called for her friend. How she wished Dallas was like that with her.

The ugly truth was that even after everything that had gone on between the two of them Demi loved her big sister. She always had strived for her love and approval, and she knew that she would end up helping her. Also it didn´t mean she had to be cordial about it. Or nice to Selena…Russo. Come on! She was doing it again! Well, she might just get over with this walk through the twilight zone. Her headache was now so large she'd probably need a whole bottle of aspirin just to be able to get some sleep.

"Listen Dallas, I'm going to do this, I'm not really sure why, but I'll do it. I just want to be perfectly clear on something; I'm doing it for you, not for her. I hope you get what I'm saying.

"I understand Demi, and I appreciate it, I really do." Dallas was extremely touched that her sister was willing to do her and Selena this favor. "I promise you won´t regret it, Selena´s great! You'll love having her there. She's so amazing! Just you wait, I'm really sure the two of you are going to hit it off and become best friends right away! Trust me!"

"Whatever Dallas, I don't really care. Just give her the address and the key I gave you. And tell her she can make herself at home at my guest room in case I'm not there to meet her. That's most likely to be the case. Talk to you some other day." And with that she hung up.

"I love you, little sister" Dallas said to the disconnect tone of her phone.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

New York City

Selena knocked on the door a couple of times, and after waiting for a few minutes, used the key Dallas had given her to let herself in. Nonetheless, she called Demi's name twice, to be sure. She had traveled lightly, just a suitcase barely larger than a carryon bag, a light duffel bag, and her handbag. Setting everything by the door, she looked around and was completely stunned by the amount of books! There was hardly a flat surface devoid of them, not only on the bookshelves!

The apartment itself wasn't that large, but it had this lived in feeling that Selena couldn't help but love. There was a small living room with two bean bag chairs and a couch around a coffee table, those last two being the only things that had no books on top. Everything was in front of a large window with a great view of the city. There was a mid-sized TV and a DVD player hanging on one of the walls. The floors were probably the most expensive thing in there, being made of hardwood. But they went along great with the wooden bookshelves and kitchen furniture.

She walked to the breakfast nook; it was made of dark wood and barely big enough for four adults to sit down. There was no other table, so maybe Demi didn't entertained that much. On top of the nook she found a note addressed to her. Taking a moment to admire the delicate calligraphy, she read it:

"Selena Russo:

Welcome to my home. I know most likely it's not quite up to par with what you may be used to, but please make yourself comfortable. The TV in the living room has cable but I'm afraid there's none in your room. It is the one on the right. Speaking of which, I put fresh sheets and pillowcases on the bed and left you a clean towel on top of the dresser. There's an extra toothbrush in the medicine cabinet, in case you forgot your own.

I went to the market and stocked the pantry and the fridge. I hope you like what I bought, if you don't, then there's a bunch of menus from nearby places by the kitchen phone. One more thing, there are three different kinds of coffee beans in the fridge if you feel like having a cup, but my machine's kinda complicated; please don't break it.

Anyway, I don't think I'll be out too late, but feel free to poke around. My mobile is 555-3364, if you need to contact me. Try not to.

Demi.

PS: Seriously, if something happens to my coffee machine, whatever the Mouse's hit men have in store for me won't be anything compared to what I will do to you.

PS 2: I MEAN IT!"

Selena had a great laugh after reading Demi's note. She liked this girl more and more. She got out her new disposable phone and hastily texted her: "Found your note. Just wanted to say hi. :D." She could almost see the girl cringing while reading it. Oh this was going to be a fun two weeks!

So maybe she'll have a nice cup of coffee. That determination lasted until her eyes set on something that would look more at home on the set of Star Trek than a kitchen. She walked over to it, and after a more detailed inspection decided not to mess with it. For all she knew, that thing was nuclear-powered. Coffeemakers weren't meant to have so many buttons and levers and dials. She backed away slowly; better to leave it alone.

She inspected the pantry; which was really just a few shelves on the wall, and found different kinds of bread, a bunch of soup cans, three kinds of cereal, a large selection of fruit, and a completely stocked spice rack.

She opened the fridge and found a chicken, some steaks, a small rack of lamb, assorted vegetables, marmalade, butter, dressings, milk, a big jar of homemade iced tea, and three one-pound cans of what could only be really expensive coffee. "My God!" thought Selena, "This girl has to be truly addicted to the stuff!" She was no connoisseur herself, but she opened one marked 'Jamaica Blue Mountain' to take a whiff, and was instantly transported to caffeine heaven. She had to have a cup, but another look at the antimatter reactor-powered coffee maker on Demi's countertop and her conviction not to mess with it was reinforced.

She reluctantly put back the can, closed the fridge, and went to take her stuff to her new room. It was a nice one, painted a light tan like the rest of the apartment, with a double sized bed, two nightstands at each side, a dresser, a closet and a mirror. The bed was covered in a very nice bedspread, and had two fluffy pillows. All in all, it was a very pretty room. The bathroom was between the two bedrooms, and was actually large for the apartment, it even had a tub.

Selena unpacked leisurely and went into the room she was most interested in: Demi's. She actually was a little nervous; after all it was Demi's inner sanctum. She closed her eyes, counted to three, and opened the door. What she saw was a bit odd. There was also a double bed, the de rigueur bookshelves, closet, etc. Normal stuff for a bedroom, except the bed was covered with more books, papers, folders, magazines, a pile of clothes, totally random.

The rest of Demi's house could be drowning in books, but everything was nice and organized; not a speck of dust could be seen. Yet the bed looked like a crap grenade had exploded on it. So maybe the girl had ordered everything in a hurry, preparing for Selena's arrival, but somehow it didn't seem likely. She went inside, lifted the bedspread, and her suspicion was confirmed; no sheets. She went to the top of the bed, moved some stuff around for a while and couldn't find any pillows. So where did the bookworm slept? She knew she was being irrational, but she checked the closet for a coffin anyway. OK, so she was being paranoid, she accepted it, but she had to make sure she hadn't entered a vampire's lair. She hated bloodsuckers and wolf-boys with a vengeance.

No, there was no coffin, just a bunch of dull, cheap-looking business suits, uniforms from different stores, a bunch of shoes and boots. Apparently her regular clothes were all on the bed. She closed the closet doors and looked around again. There were some photos on the dresser; one of Demi and Dallas taken probably 20 years ago, next to one of Demi holding baby Maddie. A small one of glasses-wearing Demi in front of what looked like SUNY Purchase. Finally she came to a family portrait; by the looks of Dallas it had been taken 2 years ago. That last one was the only one on which Demi wasn't smiling.

The mystery that was Demetria Munroe now had her totally hooked. Seriously, did she sleep at all? And if she did, where? Then it hit her, "She probably sleeps in the room she gave me!" No way was Selena going to stand for that. It was Demi's house, so if someone was crashing on the couch, it was going to be her. She was grateful to Demi for allowing her to stay at her place, but there had to be limits.

She was going to move her stuff when the front door opened, and in walked Demi, wearing ballet flats, jean skirt, gray jersey top, and a black, unzipped, hoodie. A messy ponytail completed the ensemble. Selena's jaw almost fell to the ground. The girl was gorgeous! Pictures didn't make her justice! The body, the legs, the face! But mostly the face. And the body. And the legs. Dear God, the legs! Suddenly, she felt self-conscious. Apparently Demi had been speaking to her during her little stare fest. Her face went a little red as she said, "Umm, what?"

Demi had to fight the urge to bash her own head against the wall. They say first impressions are the most important. She wasn't that impressed with Selena… Russo. God, she was doing it again! This was going to be the longest two weeks ever! "I said: 'Hello. How are you? I see you found your way to my house safely.' But I guess you were too busy checking me out to pay attention" she said matter-of-factly.

Selena gasped and went beet red in one second flat. "I..I..was..wasn't checking you out" she couldn't help but stutter.

"Yes you were."

"No I wasn't."

Yes. You were."

"No. I wasn't." Selena said a little more forcefully. Rule number one for when a girl has caught you blatantly staring at her like she was a piece of meat: Deny everything. Damn, she was good.

"It kind of defeats the purpose of denying everything when the girl that's being stared at like a piece of meat knows the rules, you know." Demi deadpanned.

Now Selena's jaw fell to the floor so hard it must have chipped the hardwood. "I..I.. I'm sorry, what?"

Demi sighed. "You spoke your little first rule aloud."

Selena was nothing if not a great actress, and she drew from down deep of her acting well for the next few moments. "I'm really sorry, I didn't meant to do that. I must be totally jet lagged or something." She gave her a little smile and thought: 'Ha ha, I'm off the hook. Take that, you mind reader you."

Strangely enough, Demi was being entertained by the taller girl. Maybe, just maybe, having Selena… Russo, at her place wasn't going to be the total suck fest she had envisioned. If only she could stop that annoying habit of using her full name. She decided to toy with her a little bit more, until either she got bored or the other girl dropped dead from a heart attack."I'm not a mind reader, and you're doing it again. Besides, I thought you came by bus."

"Bus lagged! I'm bus lagged!" Selena squeaked. She made sure her mouth was closed before thinking 'Oh my god, what is happening to me? What is she doing to me?'

"OK, if you say so." Demi was not convinced, but let it go. "You should really work on your mind to mouth coordination skills. It's not that hard you know? You just make sure that what needs to stay inside your head stays there. I expected more from such a great actress like you. She said in a sort of monotone. "Anyway, I trust you found the way around the place, and things are to your liking?"

Selena took one hell of a steadying breath before answering. Was Demi mocking her? Was it a good, friendly, mocking? Or did she thought Selena was a moron for saying those things aloud. She decided to set that aside for the time being and focus on addressing the sleeping arrangements. "Yes, yes I did. Only, there's the small situation of that I think I'm taking over your room and I'm not comfortable with that."

"No, you're not. That's mine." Demi said while pointing to the room that had the exploding-bed.

"But where do you sleep?" Selena asked, disbelief clearly on her face. "Don't tell me you clear the bed every night and then put everything back on top in the morning."

"OK. I won't tell you."

Just as Selena was starting to speak, she saw the smallest hint of a grin on the beautiful, short brunette's face. She fought the need to face slap herself and said "I walked right into that one, didn't I?"

"Yes you did." Demi's grin disappeared as she gestured towards the leather couch. "I sleep over there. It's quite comfy believe it or not, and it saves me the trouble of making the bed every morning."

"I don't know what to say."

"Well, considering you've managed not to speak what you meant to think for a couple of minutes now, I don't know what you want to say either."

"Can we forget that little incident, please?" A completely mortified Selena pleaded.

"Whatever incident are you talking about, Selena…Russo?" Demi answered while giving her one of the toothiest grins ever.

"Thank you" was the grateful response from Selena. "Anyway, now that the awkward introduction is over, what do you say we get better acquainted?" She ran into her room and came back with a bottle of wine she had brought as a gift. "What do you say we order some dinner, and then we drink this as we swap life stories?"

Demi wasn't sure about that; she knew that she actually wanted to get a bit better acquainted with the tall brunette, but she was sure she could not get near the alcohol. She suggested something else. "What do you say you get your coat, Princess, and we go outside for a proper meal and a glass of iced tea?"

Demi had looked uncomfortable saying that, so Selena wondered if she had offended her host. "You don't like wine? It's a good vintage pinot noir."

"Come on, Princess. Let's go out, you don't have to change. No one will recognize you; you did a good job on the disguise, you look pretty generic."

Selena thought she did look generic. Black slacks, white button-down blouse, dark sweater, she had even cut her hair too shoulder length, something she hadn't done in years. She could easily pass for a mid-level Wall Street drone. She just was a tad confused at Demi's insistence to go out. "Do you want to go to a bar?"

"No, Princess. No bars. We're going to a small restaurant that makes the greatest pizza in the universe. Come on, it's just around the corner, get your coat already and let's hit the road."

"OK, maybe people won't recognize me for who I am; you're right, it's a good disguise. But won't people recognize me by association? I mean, the whole world knows I'm best friends with Dallas, so won't the people who know you make the straightforward conjecture that I am, well, me?" Selena was worried.

"Well Princess, they would if they actually knew anything about my family. When I moved into the city from Purchase, I never told anyone who my family was or what they did for a living. Besides, it's not like I'm buddy-buddy with the entire neighborhood. Believe me, the chances of your cover being blown is ridiculously low."Demi was getting worried the girl was going to insist on staying in and drinking her wine. She bit her lower lip a little and hoped she had assuaged her fear of discovery enough to go out.

"Alright, I'm coming. But why do you keep calling me princess?" Selena said while going for her handbag.

"You played one, didn't you? In one of your movies." Demi said a bit confused, but she was so relieved they were going out leaving temptation in the pantry.

"No. That was Emma Roberts. I played Carter. But how do you know? You watched it?"

"Doesn't matter, Bait Girl. Just grab your stuff and let's go. I'm gonna wait downstairs." Demi said with just the tinniest hint of a smile as she walked out the door.

"She's was trying too hard on that 'princess' joke. She's totally watched my movies! Yay!" Selena felt something so nice in her heart she hadn't felt in ages. She put on her coat and went down to meet mysterious, mind-reading, ridiculously hot Demi Munroe.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

New York City

Selena was ecstatic, she couldn't understand why, but it was a feeling she hadn't had in ages. She went down the elevator, and when the doors opened, there was her beautiful host. "So where do you said we're going? I think I remember wonderful pizza was promised."

Demi started walking and gestured for Selena to get into step with her. "It's just around the corner, across the street. A little independent restaurant, the owners still work it. Old-country pizza. Good people, really. The restaurant is not really much to look at, but the food is incredible." Demi looked quite contented as she spoke. "By the way, we need to get our stories straight. Are you family? A friend from college? Just an old friend? What do I call you? As I said before, I'm not buddy-buddy with a lot of my neighbors, but I do have to say hi to some of them. I kind of have the suspicion that 'Bait Girl' isn't going to fly." Demi said.

"Well, how about I'm your cousin from Wisconsin; it's my first visit to the city, we hadn't seen each other in a while, that's why you never mentioned me. How about you call me Carter, you know? Just to keep going with the movie you claimed never to have seen." Selena finished with a sly grin at Demi.

"If you remember correctly, I never said I didn't watch it. So what if I did? I agreed to let you stay at my house; I had to get an idea of what kind of a person you are." Demi explained. "Anyway, Carter it is."

Both girls walked across the street, and went into a place called 'Don Giovanni'. The restaurant was packed, and a lot of people were waiting for a table. Selena was about to suggest going someplace else when Demi saw an empty half-booth. She gestured for Selena to follow, and after ignoring the complaints of the other customers, they both went to sit down.

As it was half a booth in a corner of the restaurant, they had to sit side by side. Demi slid in first. As soon as a Selena was sitting down, a burly Italian man of around fifty appeared out of nowhere. He was dressed in kitchen garb that had a bunch of flour stains. Obviously staff. She was sure they were going to be asked to leave, seeing that they had just cut the line. Instead, she was surprised when the man gave them a huge, sincere smile.

"Signorina Demi! It's so good to see you again! You haven't been here in so long! And you brought your date! She's so pretty, a keeper I say. I'll send you a pitcher of tea while you get ready to order"

Before Demi could get a word in edgewise, the man disappeared just as quickly. She was mortified, Mr. Rossi was a good man, but he could be a bit overwhelming. "Um, Sel… Carter, I mean. I apologize for Mr. Rossi, he can be a handful sometimes, but deep down he's a sweetheart."

"Yes, I can see that. Don't worry about it."

Selena studied the menu for a while, unconsciously, her hand went to Demi's unclothed knee, and sparks flew! Literally. Apparently, her woolen sweater had combined with the rubber back of the booth to generate a static electricity discharge that went right through Demi's body. Yeah, sparks flew.

And Demi almost did so too; she jumped so high she almost hit the roof. She rubbed her leg and shot Selena a dirty look. "Listen, Static Electra, I know you can't help but being attracted to my positive persona, but could you please try and not shock me to death?"

"Hey, it wasn't my fault!" Selena defended herself. "And I'm not attracted to you!" That last part she said a little less forcefully than she would have liked.

Demi rolled her eyes and dismissed the situation. They went back to study the menu. After deciding on pepperoni and sausage, with extra provolone and parmigiano-reggiano; they settled for some meaningless conversation about the weather. When their order arrived, and Selena took her first bite, she was astonished as how Demi was totally right it was the most delicious pizza in the universe. They ate in silence, taking pleasure in their meal. When their server took their plates, Selena finally broke the silence.

"So you bring a lot of dates here? I can see why, after a meal like this, girls must drop like flies at your feet." Why was she so jealous? She hardly knew this girl; she had no right to be jealous.

"I don't sleep around, if that's what you're asking. As to why that's any of your business, I do not know. Mr. Rossi is just a good man, he has a soft spot in his heart for me because I tutored his youngest son and he thinks that's why he got into college." Demi said defensively. "He just wants to see me happy, I guess."

"OK, if you say so" Selena decided not to push it.

"Come on, Mr. Rossi doesn't mind if I cut in front of the other customers, but let's continue with the table talk someplace else so he can assign this table."

After a brief discussion on who would pay the bill, which of course Demi won, being the host and all, and saying goodbye to the boisterous owner of the restaurant, they walked out, the shorter brunette leading the way. She wanted to go to her favorite café, but of course Selena was going to mess up her plans.

Demi's neighborhood had been gentrified a few years ago; she explained to Selena, hence the large amount of businesses and nightlife. Restaurants, coffeehouses, bars, were teeming with people. They walked beside a small place called "Anna's", and Selena squealed with delight, "Oh my! A typical NYC bar! Come on Demi! We'll talk in here; I'll pay for the drinks!"

Before Demi could say a word, Selena had entered the place. Oh man! She took a deep breath to steady herself, and considered waiting outside until the taller girl came back to see what was going on, but after a little consideration, she decided that going inside was not going to kill her. Anna might, but with a little luck she wasn't in today.

She got inside and located the table where her 'cousin' was already sitting down and went to join her. 'Anna's' was a typical bar in that it had a bunch of booths lining two of the walls, several pool tables by the third, and a large counter on the fourth. A bunch of tables in the middle completed the setup. Selena had chosen a boot near the door, with any luck Demi wouldn't have to deal with Anna, seeing it was a semi-busy night.

That of course would mean a lot of good luck for Demi. She had been listening to Selena go on about how quaint the place looked when a woman's scream made her cringe.

"Demetria Devonne Munroe! I thought I had told you never to set foot in here again" A tall, blonde woman in her early thirties with an Australian accent was coming at them like valkyrie. She stopped at their booth and was in the process of grabbing Demi by her hoodie and shaking her like a British nanny when the girl spoke.

"Hi Anna, it's always lovely to see you. Would you mind terribly putting me down so I can introduce you to my cousin, who's visiting me for the first time in ages?" Demi said while noticing her feet were not touching the ground. My, was Anna strong.

Meanwhile Selena was stunned and mad as hell at what was going on. What the hell was that woman doing to her Demi! She started looking in her handbag for the can of pepper spray when the blonde glared at her and let go of the shorter girl, who came to rest on the floor on her butt. Wait a minute, had she just thought about her as 'her Demi'? She instantly forgot about the spray while she considered the implications of her mental Freudian slip.

"Ouch!" Demi said while rubbing her butt and standing up. "Was that really necessary, Anna?" She was about to make a small joke on the situation, but the glare the blonde gave her prevented it. Demi was truly afraid of her, so instead she said "I suppose to you it was. This is my cousin Carter, from Wisconsin. It's her first time in the city, and it actually was her idea to come here. There was nothing I could do. Honest." Demi sat down in front of Selena again and took a look around to see almost the entire bar staring at them.

Selena was still flabbergasted and unresponsive, when she felt a hard kick in the shin. She glared at Demi before turning to evil-looking Anna. "Umm yes, hi. Care to explain why did you assaulted Demi?" She said aggressively.

"She knows why, Cheesehead. Butt out. This is none of your concern. Demetria, a word. Now." Selena couldn't believe the rudeness! Who the hell did she thought she was? Amazingly, Demi stood up silently and followed the bitch until they were out of earshot. The only reason she could think as of to why a spirited girl like Demi was acting so meekly was that perhaps this Anna character was an ex-girlfriend. She watched them argue for a few moments until the tall blonde-haired woman assented wordlessly and Demi hugged her lightly. Selena could feel her blood boil! She wanted to walk over there and slap that unablonder until she begged Demi's forgiveness. She composed herself a bit when she saw them walking over; she could ill afford Demi to get wind of the extreme jealousy she was feeling.

"Hey, I'm sorry about that. It was all just a big misunderstanding. Everything's been taken care; Anna's agreed to serve us, haven't you?" The short brunette gestured towards the wicked bitch of the east. She looked Scandinavian, and that was to the east, wasn't it?

Anna nodded and apologized succinctly. "I'm sorry for that. It was my mistake, but if you really knew your cousin, you would know why. What can I get you?" Selena bit back a scathing response and asked for 15-year-old scotch on the rocks. Demi was about to open her mouth when Anna said she would get her a ginger ale and walked away.

"Hey sorry about it, honestly, Anna's a good person, once you get past her, well, gruff exterior." Demi gave her a weak smile.

Selena was not having any of it. "Is she your ex?" She said angrily.

"No, she's not. Carter, please, let go of this, OK?"

The look Demi gave her was enough to stop her next unpleasant comment. Whatever it was, it would have to wait for later. A server brought them their order. They sipped in silence for a few minutes, until Demi finally spoke.

"Let's cut the crap. I don't know why you care, but no, Anna's not my ex. She's not into girls, and she's happily married to an engineer who works the late shift at Con-Ed. She's my friend, and she worries. Maybe I'll tell you why later. That's the most I can promise you. You have to accept that this situation is hard for me; you belong to a part of my life that's full of unpleasant memories. Now, you can both accept that and the fact that I'm making an effort here, and meet me halfway, or don't, and we'll have a very crappy two weeks."

Demi's honesty was enough for Selena. She was still mad, even if she couldn't understand why. But she understood what her 'cousin' was saying. "I'm sorry, she just rubbed me the wrong way, I guess."

Demi was relieved the taller, brown-haired girl was letting go of the Anna shit. She took a sip of her ginger ale, and asked. "So, what are you doing here? Dallas implied you needed to get away to think some stuff over."

Selena was hesitant; on the one side she knew instinctually that she could trust Demi; it was a feeling she could not explained. Like they were friends already. On the other hand, should she open herself to her? Ultimately, Selena knew she would. She would take the chance. Besides, what can be more far away from the prying press than a bar 1600 kms from where she was supposedly on holiday.

"I have this little problem." She said in a voice just high enough for Demi to hear over the noise of the bar. "My contract is up for renewal, and the Mouse wants me to sign with them for another 5 years. They're offering 8 digits a year, plus royalties. To sweeten the deal they're also offering a beach house in the Bahamas and my own Hawker. It's a lot of money. In exchange, I would just have to sign over my life and soul to them."

"Wow, Carter! Sounds like a problem. I wish I knew what 8 digits look like together."

"Are you going to make fun of me?" Selena said, irritated.

Demi sighed; she didn't meant to mock her. It just was that, well, she'd probably sell her own soul for a lot less. "I'm sorry, please go on."

"OK. Sorry. The problem really is that I would literally have to sign over my soul to them. I'd be tied to a lot of their projects; I'd have to work at whatever shows and movies they wanted me to, and I'd be legally incapable of working for other studios, or on my own ventures. Everything, from my dressing style, to with whom I hang out or date would have to be approved by the company's suits. The only reason they allow me to be best friends with Dallas is because I know her for such a long time; if I suddenly stopped being besties with her, people would notice and talk about it." Selena paused and flagged their server for another round. She noticed how the Anna woman sniffed Demi's used glass and frowned; what the hell was wrong with her? She decided not to ask her 'cousin' and continued as soon as the guy set their drinks at the table.

"It's getting kinda hard, you know? To do only kiddy stuff." She took a sip from her scotch and kept on. "Don't get me wrong. I love doing children and teen stuff. It's a great audience, and someone has to. It's just that the Mouse's vision is too rosy sometimes. Maybe when I was 16, 17, 18, it didn't mattered, it was the right age to do that kind of stuff, but I'm 25 and I still haven't even sworn on a movie yet!"

Demi laughed before she could help herself. "That's it, that's your big problem? You don't want to take the Mouse's millions because you want to say 'Fuck' on camera?"

If the middle Munroe hadn't finished with a huge, toothy grin, Selena would have been pissed. "Hilarious, little cousin. Hilarious. You know that's not what I meant." She returned the younger girl's smile. "I feel like I have reached an impasse in my career. Like, if I sign up with them again, I'll never be taken seriously. I'll always be the former child starlet who kept doing G stuff for the rest of her life."

"I think I'm following you, but do go on."

After another sip from her drink, Selena continued. "I don't wanna move on and, you know, do the first R movie where I have to show my boobs and have sex on camera, you know. I won't ever do that, out of respect for my fans." Selena pondered. "But I want to do movies where not everything's resolved by magic, where everything's a fairytale and the good guys win at the end."

"You want to be taken seriously as an actor."

"Exactly!" Said an excited Selena. "I want to work on movies that appeal to a broader audience. To do a film that adults would want to watch; not something they have to because their fourteen year old wants to. I want to go to Sundance and Tribeca with my first independent film."

"So what's stopping you? It's easy, tell the Mouse to shove it."

Selena laughed at Demi's blunt answer. "Ohh, if it only where that easy. I keep thinking, 'What if people don't like this new me? What if I'm really not as good an actor as I think myself to be? What if I suck so bad I end up doing bit parts in B-movies?' Imagine I end up begging the Mouse to take me back. I'm afraid of that."

"I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure the Mouse would take you back in a heartbeat. You mean millions to them." Demi said after reflecting for a while. "In fact I can assure that if you do go through with it, many people will think it's a stunt to get more money, unless you stick to it and deliver."

Selena finished her drink, and decided she would take the last one. She wasn't a drinker really, but the atmosphere of the bar was good, and it was helping her relax and think about her situation. She frowned when she noticed the Ice Bitch sniffing Demi's glass once again, but decided on shutting her mouth about it for the time being.

"So that's my problem. I don't know if in the grand scheme it's a big deal, but to me it is." She looked up to see Demi's chocolate eyes, and she wondered if the girl had any idea of the effect she was having on her. She hoped she hadn't made a fool out of herself.

"Sometimes our problems seem insurmountable when we first glance at them. But after considering our options, we sometimes realize the answer was always staring right at our face."

"Please, oh wise one, enlighten me." Selena answered while making a little bow at her.

"What I meant was that you knew the answer to your predicament before you even came here." Demi answered, took a sip from her ginger ale, and realized Selena was waiting for her to elaborate. "S… Carter, it's obvious to me that you've thought this a lot. By your tone of voice I can tell you really want to take go ahead and not renew your contract. So yeah, it's totally normal to be afraid to start something new, to go on a different path than the one you've been your entire life. However, if you don't, if you take the easy way, you will never stop regretting it. In the long run, you will feel so unhappy that you won't be able to keep delivering good performances, and that won't be fair to either you or your fans." Demi took another drink. "You know what you have to do, and it won't mean you're an ungrateful person. People need to leave their comfort zone, sometimes it's good to go chasing windmills."

Selena was speechless for a moment. "Wow that was, amazing. You really are wise! I'm not sure I had already decided what to do. But apparently you read me like a book. I guess you're right, it's gonna be hard to like myself if I go for option A."

"It wasn't that hard. Maybe the only thing you needed was to verbalize your thoughts. You would have come to this conclusion on your own eventually. If you would allow me a suggestion, though, I would still take things calmly for a couple of days."

"You know what? You're so right" Selena said, overjoyed that Demi was opening the door for her to stay even if she had probably solved the problem that had brought her to NYC in the first place. "Do you want to get another drink? Should I call our server over?"

"I think it would be better if we left now." Demi glanced at the counter where Anna was still shooting daggers at their direction. "Anna said we were allowed three drinks. Let's go back home, it's late." She rummaged around her handbag, took out two tens and a twenty and used her glass to secure them. She got up and gestured for Selena to follow. Not only was she afraid she had overused Anna's good faith, but also that Selena was going to try and hug her, she looked like a hugger. She gave a small, unreturned, wave at the blonde, and got out of the bar.

As they walked the few feet that separated them from Demi's place, Selena's curiosity got the better of her. "What's the deal with that woman? She's seriously bad news."

"No, she's not. Honestly, if you knew her like I do, you would realize what a great human being she is. Sometimes she just gets over protective." Demi sighed and slid her hands into the pockets of her hoodie.

"So why did she banned you from her bar?" Selena asked as they came to the elevator at Demi's building.

Demi stopped in her tracks, turned around, and looked Selena straight in the eyes. "I thought it was obvious. I'm an alcoholic."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Selena stared at her for so long Demi felt uncomfortable. "You mean you really hadn't guessed it?" When the taller girl continued to be unresponsive, Demi grabbed her hand and pulled her into the elevator. "Come on, let's get to my place." They rode up in silence, and Demi started to get worried; she reluctantly let go of her hand, it had felt so right holding it, but Selena was probably disgusted with her.

Demi unlocked the door, they went inside her place, when Selena hadn't said a word, she couldn't take it anymore, "I've been sober for a year and twenty-two days now, you know? I can see you're clearly uncomfortable, so why don't you get some sleep and tomorrow I'll help you make the necessary arrangements for you to go back home or wherever you want. I'm sorry if I disappointed you." Demi took off her hoodie while keeping her eyes glued to the floor.

That was when Selena snapped from her thoughts. "I—I didn't know. I'm sorry Demi."

Demi laughed a small, bitter laugh. She didn't need her pity. "Don't be. It's not like I have a terminal disease or anything."

"No, I'm sorry because I had no idea. If I had known, I would have never dragged you to the bar or brought the bottle of wine." Selena was mortified. "Please forgive me Demi, you have to believe it wasn't my intention."

"I know it wasn't. How could you know?" Demi relaxed a little. "But I meant what I said. I'll take no offense if you want to leave." Yet she thought: "I'll be sad, I don't know why but I'll be sad."

Selena answered indignantly. "Of course I won't leave! What kind of person do you think I am?"

"Some people find it hard to understand."

"I'm a good listener, if you want to help me understand." Selena said in earnest.

"I… let's go change."

Demi didn't wait for an answer; she just turned and practically ran to her room. She was scared. "What the hell is this girl doing to me!" She wanted to be honest with Selena; seemed open-minded enough. But she had no illusions; the taller brunette had led a sheltered life. Demi had no doubt she would find it difficult to identify with what she had gone through.

She rummaged through the mess on her bed looking for a set of pajamas, or at least house pants and a t-shirt, just something nice and clean to change into. She usually never bothered; she crashed on the couch with whatever she happened to be wearing. But after the show of trust Selena had given her, she wanted to make a better impression. Man was her bed a mess! Finally, she found a black spaghetti tank top and pink shorts; they would have to do.

She had stripped to her underwear when she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror by the door. She got closer and started examining herself; she guessed she could be called an attractive person. Her hair was nice and shiny; she still kept the bangs she had had for so long. A few wrinkles around her eyes, dark circles too. It wasn't anything a bit of makeup couldn't take care of. Her lips were full and naturally rosy. Maybe she should have fixed the gap between her front teeth, but she had never gotten to it.

She guessed she was a few pounds under her ideal weight; her ribs were sticking out a bit. Her waist and hips too were narrower now than when she was in college. A tan wouldn't kill her either. She took off her bra; her breasts were small but firm. Overall, she had aged well. She probably looked 21, 22 at the most.

She had been staring at herself for a few minutes when it downed on her. What was she doing it? She never looked at her reflection. Why do it know? Was she really expecting something to happen with Selena? Face it Munroe, a girl like that could never end up with someone like you. She's totally straight. You read some stuff online about how she broke up with her boyfriend. To her you're nothing but a friend, the little sister of the best friend. Fairy tales simply don't exist. She has everything going for herself; a career, friends, family, money. You're just a loser, Munroe. An alcoholic nobody. Nothing more. At least she wasn't using her full name anymore.

She gave herself a disgusted look, and quickly changed into her pj's. She composed herself before walking out to find Selena already there; she couldn't help but laugh when she saw her dorky silk jacket and trouser pj's.

"What, they're really comfortable you know?" Selena almost had a heart attack when she saw what Demi was wearing. How could she have so much skin? And she had the nerve not to be wearing a bra! It should be against the law or something. If this was part of a plan to get Selena hot and heavy, it was really working. The bad thing was that the shorter girl seemed to have no idea of the effect she was having on her. Damn mysterious, mind reading, ridiculously hot, totally clueless Demi Munroe!

Demi poured two glasses of iced tea and handed one to Selena. She then turned on two lamps so she could shut down the overhead lights. Demi then remembered to get a couple of coasters and finally proceeded to sit on the couch. She stared at the city in silence while Selena remained standing behind her. Finally she sat. Too close for comfort. Couldn't she see what she was doing to her? Was she really that oblivious?

"Let me apologize again" Selena said. "No please, let me. I had absolutely no idea that you were an alcoholic, honest. Had I known I would have never insisted on going into the bar…"

"Selena, stop it. I accepted your apology before, there's no need for you to keep feeling bad about it."

"Thank you, Demi. You're so kind." Selena took Demi's hand; it was so warm, it felt so right. "I guess it was hard for you, watching me get that first drink."

Demi sighed intensely. Obviously Selena's heart was in the right place, but she didn't get it. "No, Lena. Can I call you Lena?" When the star nodded, she continued. "For me, it's never about the first drink. I truly don't want it. I want the second. And the third. And the one after that. And so on. I can live perfectly without that first drink, the only reason I can't have it is because I can't stop myself from having those next ones. You had three drinks tonight and stopped. Me, once I start drinking, I can't stop. So yeah, I was tempted, I won't deny it, but I wasn't offended by you." Selena hold her hand even tighter, encouraging her to go on. "When people drink wine, or whiskey or beer, they talk like I do about coffee; it's all about the taste, the body, the aroma, etc. However, for me, alcohol is just about getting drunk, I don't care about anything else. I can drink perfume or mouthwash, if I really need to. I don't care. The only reason I made whiskey my poison of choice was because, thanks to trial and error, I found out it was what gave me the least side effects. Everything else left me so damaged I could hardly drag myself to work every day. Whiskey only gave me massive headaches. No puking, no nausea, nada."

"Why did you start? When?"

"How much did Dallas tell you about my life?

"Well," Selena thought about it for a while. "She said you were really smart, and went to graduate school, and that you had reported a professor that was handing out good grades in exchange for sex, and that because of that, no university wanted to hire you."

Demi knew the only reason Dallas would have given her best friend a PG version was because she hadn't come to terms with what had happened. "If you wish to understand why I started drinking, you have to go way back." She reluctantly untangled her hand from Selena's. "I've always had a dysfunctional relationship with my mum and sisters. As for my dad, well you know he's never been there. My mum wanted me to be in show business, like Dallas. I just wanted to make her happy, for her to be proud of me. She took me to the Barney audition. Do you remember that?" Selena smiled and nodded. "It was my first time on a set. I totally froze. I couldn't for the life of me move. And it was like that at every audition she ever took me to. Needless to say, she didn't take it very nicely. She said I did it on purpose to spite her."

"Anyway, I did my best to please her until I couldn't take it anymore. I got accepted at SUNY Purchase when I was sixteen; I am smart you know? I thought that would make mum proud, but she was too busy with Dallas career to care. I went on to graduate school at nineteen, and there I met Professor Mendler. Nobel Prize winner Professor Bridgit Mendler. She immediately took me under her wing, and I was elated. She said I had great potential, that one day I would write great books, deliver wonderful lectures, be just like her I guess. And she probably meant it, for she was a wicked bitch, but never a liar. The only reason she never got around to fucking me was that I never needed her help with my grades."

"What happened then?"

"I was never the type to have a lot of friends, especially because everyone was so much older than me." Demi was finding it hard to relive those times, but as she had told Selena, sometimes it's good to verbalize our problems. "There was this girl called Chloe, twenty-six, she was on a scholarship like me. We were close. One day, just weeks before graduation, Professor Mendler accused Chloe of plagiarism. She asked to see her at her office. She never was the same. She started snapping at me, saying things like: It's good luck you're too young for the Professor. Lucky for you you're not dumb like me, stupid teacher's pet, etc. In a bizarre way she blamed me. I finally got her to tell me what happened, but as hard as I tried, I could not get her to report Miss Mendler. So I made what was supposed to be an anonymous call to the Rector's office."

"You mean it wasn't truly anonymous?" Selena wanted so bad to hold poor Demi so tight she had trouble breathing, but she felt the girl needed some space to keep going so she refrained herself.

"Of course not. They made a tape. Liability reasons, they said. When the investigation got under way, some other girls started coming forward; you might have seen it in the news. However, since Chloe never did, Professor Mendler concluded I had been the one to report her. She knew her reputation would be history, and since she felt I had betrayed her, she decided to drag me through the mud with her. She had friends in all the Ivy League schools, which in turn had friends in other colleges and publishing houses; she told them I was a conniving little bitch who had concocted this plan to ruin her. The worst part was that even in the face of the evidence they believed her, after all, she was The Professor Mendler. Long story short, no one would touch me with a ten-foot pole. At least I was lucky enough my name was never mentioned in any newscast."

Demi drank most of her tea, took a deep breath, and continued. "I went home, I told mum and Dallas what had happened, for the first time in my life, I wanted their help; I knew they had good lawyers and I wanted to pursue any legal avenues I had." God it was so hard. Nevertheless, she wanted to tell Lena everything. No, she needed to. "Mum started screaming at me: What kind of a moron was I? Did I have any idea what it would mean for Dallas' career if the press ever found about it? Did I hate her so much I wanted to destroy her? What kind of a daughter was I? Because in the end everything has to be about her. After hours of argument, she finally had enough. She told me that if I loved my sisters, I would keep my mouth shut."

Selena saw tears in Demi's eyes, and finally she couldn't help it, she got closer to her and hugged her. She felt her sobbing silently. She would give anything in the world to stop her from hurting this badly.

Demi spoke abruptly. "You know what she said to me before she left? She said: You should have just laid down and spread your legs, you know that's what you were born for, you stupid dyke." Demi kept sobbing. "My own mother. After she left, I turned to Dallas, who had just sat there completely silent. She just said: You should listen to mother. Then she left too. When I needed her the most, she turned her back on my. I severed most of my ties with them after that. The only reason I keep visiting and calling is Maddie. She probably hates me too by now, but I can't bring myself to have her completely out of my life"

Selena could feel her anger rising. No wonder Demi was so messed up. She couldn't believe Dallas would behave like that! That wasn't the Dallas she knew. But she had no clue as to what to say. Luckily, Demi saved her when she kept going.

"I moved here when all my resumes started coming back with a little note saying: 'We don't want you. Please never call us again.' That first year, I went through eight different jobs; everything from grade school teacher to telemarketer. When I was fired from job number nine, that's when the drinking started. It was gradual; a drink one night, a couple the next one, three by Friday. Before I knew it, I wasn't able to sleep without half a quart of whiskey."

Demi let go of Selena, and slumped back on the couch. "Pretty soon I was using most of the little money I earned to pay for alcohol. Lucky for me I saved most of what I earned while in school, and I had sold my car. So I never worried about the rent, or food. Then one day, Anna opened her bar, and I became a regular at her counter. I was tired of drinking alone I guess. At first it was great, she opened me a tab, she listened to me whining about my bad luck and crappy jobs. Then she started becoming my friend, said I reminded her of her little sister back in Oz. That sucked a lot."

Selena was confused. "How could she becoming your friend be a bad thing? I mean, didn't you wanted someone to care for you?"

"No Lena, at that moment in my life, I only wanted to drown myself in alcohol. I needed a friend, but I wanted a barkeep. It got to a point where she had to drag my unconscious ass back here at least twice a week." Such sweet memories, Demi thought. You're a really screwed up individual, Munroe. You're crushing on a girl you've only truly met a few hours ago, and now she has you spilling your guts about the shittiest part of your life. Way to get a girl. "A year later, one Sunday, I woke up, massively hung over, and she was here. She said that she had had it with me. If I wanted to drink myself to death, I could do it, but she wasn't going to help me. She begged me to get help, to call my family; she said she'd pay for rehab. I'm not going to tell you what I said to her, but it was bad. On top of everything, I'm an ungrateful little piece of shit."

"Demi, stop. Please. I'm sure you weren't thinking straight." Selena felt awful. She wanted to alleviate the pain Demi was feeling, but how?

"I don't know why Lena, but I need to tell you everything. You'll probably hate me when I'm done, but I have to."

It was almost getting to be too much for Selena. Yet she knew she wanted this. She had realized, the moment she had first held her close, that she was the one. It had almost been a mystical experience. She knew immediately, she was meant to be Demi's. That's why it was so hard to listen to her. She held her near her bosom as if to hint her to continue.

"Anna's always been strong willed, since she started her business she has been the president of the neighborhood's Liquor Sellers and Bar Owners Association. At their next meeting, she circulated my picture, and gave them orders not to serve me under any circumstance. As you can probably guess, all of them are terrified of her, so they follow her orders without complaining. At least not too much. I had to start buying my stuff far from here. One day I came home and realized I had forgotten to get a bottle, so I went out, walked fifteen blocks into a seedier part of town when I saw this really crappy looking lesbian bar, and walked in." She took a moment to calm down a little, the hardest parts of her tale where coming.

"After a couple of drinks, I found out I had no money. It was then that this woman, probably my mum's age, came on to me. I feel like a piece of crap just remembering. We started talking, she kept touching me, rubbing my legs, so I asked if she could please buy me a drink. I was so desperate she probably smelled it. She said she'd pay for my tab on one condition: I had to go down on her in the bathroom. So for that one day, I became a prostitute. Please Lena, don't hate me!" Demi panicked; she started sobbing again. What would a nice girl like Selena think of her now?

Selena gasped! Was there no limit to what this girl had gone through? She felt more and more protective of her. Demi needed someone to love her. "I'm so sorry Demi. Words cannot describe how I feel for you. Was that what got you to stop drinking?"

"Thank you, Lena. I love you." Selena's eyes widened when she heard that. She loves me? Thank you, thank you, thank you! The girl seemed not to have realized her slip, so she kept quiet. There would be enough time later on to talk about that.

"No, that wasn't the lowest I got. When I woke up the next day, I was so disgusted with myself I swore I'd never drink again. That resolution lasted the better part of three hours. I became a regular at that club, but I never did that again. Don't hate me Lena." Demi's sobs got worse; she stopped talking for some time. Lena was stroking her hair, cooing gently in her ear; it felt so nice, she didn't wanted to spoil it with her pathetic story. Yet she had to.

"It happened two months later. I was fired from one of the few jobs I actually liked. It was in a bookstore. It was completely my fault, my breath reeked of alcohol, and I argued with a customer. I was at the lowest point in my life and I guess I decided to go on a bender. Got a couple a hundred bucks from my service card and went to the bar." Demi took a deep breath; if Lena had grown to care for her then this was going to ruin it. "I woke up under a bridge in Central Park. My clothes were all messed up, my blouse was in shreds, and I was covered in mud and filth. There was…there was, I had blood between my legs…"

Selena's heart broke that instant. She felt the tears coming down her face. Demi could not be saying that. No, she couldn't. It was the beastliest of crimes. No human being deserved that. No one. With Demi, it was personal for Selena; and she had gone through so much! Please, Oh Lord, please tell me you didn't abandoned her! Please tell me it hadn't happened to her. Please let me open my eyes and see in hers that you where always there for her. I will gladly trade everything I have, just please tell me you didn't allowed this abomination to happen to her.

"Demi, look at me." Selena held Demi's face in her hands. Both girls' eyes were bloodshot. Both were openly crying by now. "Tell me. You can tell me. Were you… were you raped?" She found it so hard even saying that word.

"I don't know.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"What do you mean you don't know?" Selena was shocked!

"I mean I don't know. I woke up and later found out it was seven days after I started drinking. One whole week, Lena! I can't really say if I was raped because I have no clue as to what I did those days. Maybe I just whored myself for drinks. Who knows? I mean, I had to get money someplace!" There was no stopping Demi's tears now. Years of neglect and loneliness were flowing thanks to Selena. She finally let go all the pent up emotions she had been holding for so long. Demi hoped against all hope Lena wouldn't abandon her. She needed her in her life more than anything now.

Both girls cried wordlessly, never letting go of each other. Selena slowly realized there was a higher purpose as to why she had chosen such a moment to come to New York. It couldn't possibly been a coincidence. Selena had needed Demi just as much as Demi needed her. Selena realized that all her life she had been waiting for someone like her. But right now, what the shorter girl needed was to unburden herself, to finish baring her soul.

"My clothes were a mess, my blouse had no buttons, my skirt had quite a few tears; I tried to fix them as best as I could, but there wasn't a lot I could do, really. I managed to sneak a look at myself on piece of glass I found in a garbage can; I had a black eye, some cuts around them too, and a split lip. Nothing major. I had… I had scratches and cuts in my thighs and around my breasts. Once I got out from under that bridge and got my bearings, I started walking. I was worried because it appeared to be midmorning, and walking all the way home through the middle of downtown unnoticed was going to be one hell of a problem.

A police cruiser picked me up after only a couple of blocks; I guess I didn't really looked like a street person, they were actually very concerned and courteous, and took me to a hospital. Once there, the doctors asked me many questions; one of them said I had probably been s—sexually abused. The two police officers couldn't stay until the detectives arrived, but one of them gave me his card and said I could call him if I ever got into trouble again. Luckily for me I didn't had any ID, so I gave them a fake name and address, and after they patched me up I managed to escape before the detectives and the social worker arrived," Demi was still sobbing. "I couldn't let them find out who my family was, for the sake of my sisters."

Selena was amazed at Demi's selflessness. Even when she was going through what had to be the most shocking experience of her life, she still placed her family first. She couldn't even begin to grasp how she had the presence of mind to consider that. She truly was remarkable.

"I spent the remainder of the day trying to make sense of what had happened, but whatever I tried, I couldn't remember a thing. Maybe it's for the best, I mean; do I really want to remember what I did? Do I want to remember how I had degraded myself? But back then, it truly hit me; I had no clue what I had done. Could I be infected with something? I mean, had I done…had I had sex with someone? With multiple people? I couldn't sleep that night, I was so worried. Next morning I went to a free clinic; it was my only option as they don't ask for ID either and I have no insurance. I got them to test me for everything in the books; you should have seen the woman's face." Demi laughed bitterly. "I got cleared of everything, but what worried me the most was that you have to wait at least two weeks to get tested for HIV. I guess the only good thing was that those two weeks I spent terrified I had caught the disease, just thinking of alcohol made me sick to my bones. Finally, they gave me a negative result; I was so happy I cried all the way back here."

"You've gone through so much." Selena said softly. "You don't have to keep talking, I understand." But how could fate be so hard on her?

"No, it's OK Lena. It feels so good talking to you. Unless, you don't want to…"

"Of course I want to, honey. It's just that maybe this is too hard for you. I want you to know that I'm gonna be here for you, always," Selena meant it. She really couldn't understand what had happened, but she knew she belonged with this girl with the chocolate eyes and the gap between her teeth.

"Thank you. I guess it's good to finally talk about it." Demi sighed and let go of Selena. She leaned back on the couch, trying to compose herself. She could fell the taller girl's eyes on her, but it wasn't uncomfortable stare, quite the contrary. "Before the HIV results came back, it was purely out of fear that I refrained myself from drinking. But when I came back here, I felt the urge again. I was just about to turn around and go to a store when it hit me; I had a missing week of my life, I probably had sex for alcohol, or at the very worst, I was…you know. And it all was because I was stupid and weak; I had wallowed in my self-pity for so long that it had made it easy for me to relinquish control of my life to alcohol. I felt disgusted with myself. I knew it would be hard to not to drink; you never stop being an alcoholic, but I knew that whenever I felt the thirst, I only had to remember that lost week."

Selena could see how hard it was for Demi to bare her soul, so she never tried to force eye contact on the girl. Her heart was heavy with sorrow for all that Demi had gone through, but at the same time she was glad she could help her, even if it was just listening. Selena was a smart girl too, and she understood that sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to listen, to just be there for that person. It wasn't easy; she felt anger at the world for allowing things like this to happen. She was angry with Demi's mother for turning her back on her. And she was angry with Dallas. Dallas wasn't evil, not even a bad girl; how could she not have cared about her sister's well being? Selena was going to have a very serious conversation with her when she went to LA.

"That afternoon I started looking for a new job," Demi continued while staring out at the city. "I knew it would be hard; Professor Mendler made sure it was impossible for me to ever find a position in academia. I thought I could probably get an entry or mid-level job in a publishing house, a magazine, something like that. But she made sure that anything remotely connected with literature was off-limits to me. To top it off, the world entered this recession, so when before I only had crappy jobs because I didn't cared, now I was forced to take them because they were the only ones offered to me. That's life for you."

"Maybe you could try to clear your name, speak to that Mendler woman and get her to do so?" Selena suggested.

"I tried already. I sold a few of my books and bought an Amtrak ticket to Boston. I still had her summerhouse address from when she was my friend. I dropped in unannounced, but she was very civilized about everything; asked me in, she even offered me coffee and scones. She said she would rather die than help me. She still doesn't believe she did anything wrong. I expected it, really. I mean, you don't get to be a Professor Bridgit Mendler and not come to the conclusion that you're the greatest thing since sliced bread. I mean, it's not just that she won a Nobel Prize; she's like, old, and she's still hot. She's the whole package!"

"I think I know the answer to this question, but I have to ask; you've never considered asking Dal or Dianna for help?"

"I would rather die before I do that."

"Did you… did you told them what had happened?"

"Of course I didn't. They don't care." Demi replied matter-of-factly.

"Demi, I think you should tell them. They're your family; they have a right to know."

"They lost any right whatsoever a long time ago." Demi said in a low, angry voice. "What do you think would happen if I told them? Do you really believe things are going to magically get better? My mum despises me, my big sister ignores me, and my younger sister doesn't know me at all. I know that in your experience, everything works out in the end, but trust me, real life is nothing like the Disney version." Demi stopped when out of the corner of her eye she saw the look on Lena's face. "Oh god, I'm so sorry. I didn't meant to bite your head off, especially not after you've been nothing but good to me. I guess I'm just a shitty person."

Selena sighed. She started caressing Demi's hair gently. "I understand, don't worry. I know you've gone through so much, but I stand by my words; you need to speak to your family. But I'm also aware that after everything, it's going to be hard for you. But I want you to know this: Whenever you're ready, I will stand right by your side. I will never leave you. Never. You can trust me." Both girls were quiet for a few minutes, but Selena had something else she had to say. "I don't mean to press the issue, and I know I don't have the whole story on you and Dal, but I think she's feeling guilty about the way your relationship went."

"Lena, I know you're trying to help, but I'm actually quite sure said relationship is beyond repair."

"I understand your suspicions, and really the last thing I would do is pressure you into something. I just felt you needed to know. Dal is always edgy whenever your name comes up, and when I made you call her, you should have seen how hard it was for her. You say you don't want to lose Maddie, then you need to make an effort to start speaking to your family. The basis of any relationship is trust and honesty, I can totally get that you have no faith in Dal and Dianna, but you'll have to be honest with them sooner or later. Trust me, no mother can stand unconcerned when her child goes through so much trials and pain as you've done.

Demi finally turned around to look directly at the Disney Queen's dark, soulful, eyes. She was so beautiful, even without make up there was something that radiated from her delicate features. Maybe it was the way the city lights were hitting her, but most likely it was that she had fallen in love with her. You know, Munroe, you suck. You went from total indifference to full-blown love in just about six hours flat. Why did you do this? How could you've been so stupid? She's not into you, she just cares about you because apparently the tabloids and magazines you read while researching her where right; Selena Russo is actually a great human being. Well, she guessed no one out there was meant to love her.

Selena's heart totally melted when Demi looked at her. The girl was beautiful, if only she was not oblivious to the effect she was having on her. Selena wasn't sure how much longer was she going to refrain from kissing her, her lips were just pure temptation. Yet she knew she couldn't put a move on her; it would be like taking advantage of her. Demi was in a too vulnerable state to deal with something like that. But deep down she didn't really mind, if she had to wait a few days, weeks, even months, she would. She would do anything for this girl. After all, she did let it slip that she loves me. Just remembering Demi's little lapse was enough to make her smile, but she refrained herself. It wasn't the appropriate moment.

"I can't promise you anything other than I'll think about it. But I wouldn't hold my breath; there's simply too much bad blood between us."

"That's all I'm asking. I know most of my life I've been blessed; nothing even remotely similar to this has ever happened to me, but I know that healing always takes time and effort. If you talk to your family, it would be a huge step towards getting completely over this. I will be there for you, and I won't let anyone hurt you again. One day, when you get to know me better, you'll realize that I never let anyone hurt the one's that I love."

"So I guess it's now safe to say that we're friends?"

"Of course." Selena answered with a smile, and then thought: But only for a little time, because I'm going to make sure that you and I become more than friends. I can be quite persuasive when I want to. OK, judging by the way she's looking at me I'm pretty sure I kept my thoughts to myself this time.

"I haven't had a real friend in so long. I messed up with Anna, and well, even though I was so embarrassed at the way I treated her, I forced myself to ask her to forgive me, which she did. She really is an amazing person, but I could never ask her to be friends again."

"I can't really comment on that, the only impression I got from her was very bad indeed. She's kinda evil."

Demi chuckled lightly at Lena's take on Anna. "No, honestly, she's not evil. She's just strong willed and has very limited tolerance for people's bullshit."

"OK, I let's pretend for a moment that I believe you, but it's a good thing she backed off when she did, I was getting ready to kick her ass when she was shaking you. I might not look like it, but I'm a real scrappy fighter!" Selena said in mock anger.

Demi laughed heartily. "My heroine, my knight in shining slacks. I feel like I have to warn you though; you might be a scrappy fighter, but word on the street is that Anna sold her soul to the devil for money to start her bar, and when he came to collect, she kicked his ass all the way back to hell!"

"I'm so glad we talked, Demi. You might not believe me, but I wanted to come here because of you." Selena was pleased the girl was calmer now; perhaps she had been right about her need to talk about her issues. Now she had to take the chance to be more honest with her. "When I was sharing with Dal about my problems, and she started telling me a little about you, I don't know why but I felt that I had to get to know you. I mean, I know we met back on the Barney audition, and we've run into each other at your parent's place on the holidays, but we never actually talked, you just kind of ignored me the whole time."

"It wasn't personal, you always seemed like an OK girl to me, but you were Dallas' best friend; that made you like the enemy."

"Yes, even when I didn't really knew anything, I was aware that you had a bad relationship with Dal and Dianna, that's why I never pushed you."

"It's OK Lena, I wasn't going to be good company anyway, I was totally loaded the last few times I went to my mum's; I became really good at concealing it." Demi laughed bitter sweetly. How messed up did she was, that the only way she could stand being in the same room than her mother was by being drunk?

They enjoyed another moment of silence in each other's company, while Selena reflected on some things. "I was thinking," She said while still mulling things over. "I sometimes question how my life would have gone if I had never become an actress. Would I've gone to college? Studied art or psychology? Would I then wonder about the opposite? Don't you ever wonder on how things could've been different for you? You know, what if you had aced the Barney audition? Or any other one. What if you had never told on that Mendler woman?"

Demi answered almost instantaneously, surprising Selena. "I used to do that. Not actually about the purple dinosaur thing; acting was never my cup of tea. I only did it because back then I cared about my mum. But about Miss Mendler, yeah. I used to wonder how I could have handled things differently so she would understand how what she did was wrong. Or maybe followed dear Mum's advice and spread my legs for her." She played with her top a little before continuing. "But I stopped because the whole 'woulda, coulda, shoulda' thing only made me want to drink more. I learned that dwelling on what might have been never serves for anything good. This is what my fate is, and I accept it. In one of my philosophy classes, we studied the concept of 'Amor Fati': the love of one's fate. It deals with an attitude in which individuals accept whatever events or situations happen in their daily life. Even if what fate doles out to them, is just pain and suffering."

"That sound's kinda sad" Selena said, holding Demi's had tightly.

"Actually it's a bit of the opposite. If I embrace my destiny no matter what it holds in store for me, if I accept it no matter what, I can actually be happy even when things don't go my way, because it's just a path to reach a higher purpose. It means acceptance of those things that we are powerless to change. I know to someone like you it must be an alien concept, and even for me it's hard sometimes, but the only option left is one that I already tried, and I'm not drinking ever again."

"Wow. I don't know how you can deal with all this. I don't think I could."

"You look like a strong person Lena, I know you would have dealt with this shit even better than I did."

It was simply too much for Selena. She couldn't stop herself; Demi was just overloading her. She found her intoxicating, how could someone so nice have suffered through so much? Selena wanted to make it right, to correct what she knew was an erroneous way in which fate had behaved towards Demi. She closed the distance between them, and found Demi's lips with her own, she felt their softness and warmth. Demi tasted sweetly, like fresh strawberries. She could feel her hesitate, as if she wanted to memorize every detail of her mouth. She deepened the kiss, teasing with her tongue, and then backing off a little as to not overwhelm her. She nibbled on her lower lip just as she broke contact; they both needed to breathe.

Selena was so happy she had done this. It felt right. Demi had a slightly confused look, but it was only logical; after all, the kiss had come completely out of left field. She caressed her face gently, trying to memorize every feature by touch only. She wondered what it would feel to make love to her. Soon there would be time for that, and more.

"Why did you do that?" Demi asked, her voice a mere whisper.

Selena answered in a low, husky tone full of love and desire. "Because it was the right thing." She went ahead and found Demi's lips again. Now she was sure, fresh strawberries. She had read somewhere that an ancient culture once believed the soul resided on one's breath. She wanted to fuse her soul with Demi's for all eternity; she knew she could no longer be whole without her. She lovingly explored the small gap between her teeth. She straddled her; she needed Demi far more than she could ever need air. As she kept caressing her face with her hands, she could feel some moisture.

"Selena, stop. Please."

She wasn't expecting that. She reluctantly opened her eyes, only to see Demi's full of tears. She panicked. Had she done something wrong? Had she hurt her? She had gone too far too fast, hadn't she? "What's wrong Demi? I know I should have gone slower, but god, you have no idea how much you have come to mean to me."

Now Demi was irate. It was one thing to be pitied, but she wasn't going to stand to be toyed with. She felt completely betrayed. She angrily pushed Selena off her, so hard the taller girl landed on the coffee table. "I don't know who the hell you think you are, but I'm not going to be your pity fuck. I know you're straight; I've read all about how you're on a break from your boyfriend. I don't get what your malfunction is, but I'm not going to be your little experiment. I fell for you since the moment I walked through my front door, and I know it's impossible for you to love a loser like me, even more so because I'm a woman. Please don't make it harder for me, please don't break my heart just because you want to know what it feels like with a woman. I can't take any more shit from the world, please don't do this to me."

She stood up, walked to her room, and closed the door, leaving a bewildered Selena sitting on the coffee table wondering what the fuck had just happened.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Selena just sat there for a few moments, completely at a loss of what had just happened. How could she have been so stupid! She knew Demi was in a fragile state of mind, she had promised she would not take advantage of that, and yet she had gone and kissed her! God, if she had had just a few more seconds, she would have started fondling her! Come on Selena! Demi wasn't ready to handle things this fast. She had acted stupidly, and now she probably was back at square one with the girl.

She walked to Demi's door, and could hear her crying faintly. She tried the knob, even though she was sure it was locked. Selena knocked softly. "Demi, please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I know I messed up. Please, let me in, we need to talk. I want to fix this."

"Go away!" Demi screamed at Selena through the door. "I know you fucked up! You could never end up with a fuck up like me! Just go away!" Demi's heart was shattered. She was so stupid, falling for a Disney Queen, and Dallas' best friend. She had been practically asking to get screwed over. She walked to a corner and fell down against the wall, and decided that it was a nice place to cry herself to sleep.

Selena realized there would be no reasoning with Demi while she still was in that state, so she reluctantly went into her room to lie down on the bed. She left the door open so she could be aware if Demi slipped out of her own room. She was tired; this incident had drained her emotionally and physically. She felt like she had betrayed Demi's trust. She only hoped that Demi would grant her the chance to prove that her intentions were honorable. That she, Selena Marie Russo, was really in love with her.

She woke up anxious and disoriented; it took her a few moments to remember where she was. When she did, she jumped out of bed and ran to Demi's room. She wasn't there. How could she have been so careless? She should not have fallen asleep! She went for her disposable cell phone and dialed Demi's number. A recording informed her it was turned off. She redialed a couple of times, hoping that it was a mistake and the shorter girl would answer.

She did the only thing she could think of, and after a few rings, a very groggy, very angry Dallas Munroe answered the phone. "You better be fucking dying."

"Dal, I fucked everything." Selena sobbed.

Dallas immediately sat on her bed. "Selena? What's wrong? Is everything all right? Is it Demi? Is she OK?"

"No, no she's not. I mean, she is, but she's not!"

"Selly, you're not making any sense. Take a deep breath, calm down, and tell me what's going on."

So for the next 15 minutes, she did. After she was done, Dallas felt like her brain was going to implode and ooze out of her ears and nose. She always knew Selena would one day fall for the irresistible force that was the Munroe charm; but never in her wildest dreams had she imagined she would fall for Demi! But in a bizarre way, it actually seemed natural. Especially taking into account she herself was straight, so having Selena fall for her would have made for a very peculiar relationship.

"Are you mad at me?" Selena's voice sounded so tiny and fragile.

"No Selly, I'm not mad at you. It's just ridiculously unexpected. I never knew you had a thing for Demi."

"Damn it, Dallas, I didn't have a thing for Demi. How could I have a thing for her if she never said a word to me? Have you not been listening to any word I said? What is wrong with you? Could you try to keep up? I know it's early in LA but the least you could have done is listen closely to me. I always listen to you. So, no, I didn't have a thing for your sister, but then I met her, truly met her, and before I knew it, Wham! I'm mad about her, and now she's gone, because I acted stupidly, and I don't know what to do. How can I make this better, what can I say to her? How can I explain what I did? She's never going to want to talk to me again. How can I make this right, Dallas?"

"Are you done?"

"I'm sorry, Dal."

"OK, no biggie. You needed to vent. You're really lucky I'm such an considerate person. But right now I just need one thing from you. I need you to tell me that my sister is all right. You said something bad had happened to her, but that you couldn't tell me because you promised her. I don't like it, she's my sister, and I have a right to know. But if you promise me that she's fine, I'll believe you." Concern for her younger sibling laced Dallas' voice.

"Dal, please forgive me. I want to tell you but I can't. You must trust me on this; it's not my secret. I think she's doing better now, and I can tell you that if she forgives me I'll do everything in my power to convince her to tell you. But that's all I can do." Selena was torn between the loyalty due to her best friend, and the love she felt for Demi, but ultimately, she knew she couldn't betray the girl's confidence.

"If you were anyone else, it wouldn't be enough. But you I trust with my life." And she meant it. There was no one else she could trust as she did Selena. She loved her like a sister. This of course was twisted on so many levels since she already had a sister she barely talked to… She'd have to deal with her own issues later, first she needed to concentrate on the problem at hand. "Now, I have a couple of questions. Are you positively sure that you love her? I mean you've got to admit it's a bit rushed."

"Of course I know it's rushed." Selena said huffily. "Dal, before this, I never believed in the so-called 'love at first sight', but after yesterday, I'm convinced." Her voiced mellowed. "When I first saw her, it was like magic. She's so beautiful. As I told you, we went out, and well, before I knew what hit me, I was in love with her. She's so different from all the guys the Rat has made me date, all the girls I dated on the side, and then there's Nick. I loved him once, you know."

"I know, sweetie."

Selena sighed. "It's just that, with him, it was never earth-stopping. The passion, if there ever was any, died very quickly; it was just a comfortable routine. He took care of me, he was nice, a gentleman really, but even if he was my first ever, I just never felt deeply for him. Perhaps because it was the same for him; the Mouse forced us to become a couple, even though we were always intended to be just best friends. But with your sister, it's different. I want nothing more than to kiss her, hug her, you know; do a lot of really romantic, sickly-sweet stuff to her. The kind of stuff that usually just happens in romantic comedies."

"Wow. You're really falling for her."

"No Dal. She means more than my own life. I know it's hard to understand, but it's like I was always destined to be with her. It just felt right. But, I screwed it; I went at her like a horny high-school quarterback after the head cheerleader. I knew I needed to take it easy, and I ignored it."

"I think you're going to hate me after this, but did it ever occur to you to tell her you were bi? Nobody really knows, and the Mouse's press machine has done a remarkable job keeping the rumors quiet." The other side of the line went silent for so long Dallas was afraid Selena had fainted.

"I—I forgot… Oh my god! I'm so stupid! Of course, she doesn't know. That's why she felt like I was using her. How could I've been so careless?"

"Mmm… You weren't thinking right. You followed your heart. It's easy to make mistakes."

"But, what am I going to do now? I don't even have a clue where she can be."

"The only thing I can think of is for you to wait for her. Demi knows the city, you don't, you won't ever find her so don't even try. Go online, look for some easy recipe, and make it for her. No, strike that, if you don't burn the building, you'll give her food poisoning. Find the owner's manual for that particle accelerator you mentioned before and make her some coffee. Go buy some bagels. It's just a gesture, but it will go a long way. She has to come back eventually."

Selena sighed tiredly. "I guess you're right. There's nothing more I can do but wait. Thanks for your support. Actually I didn't thought before calling you; are you sure you're all right with me going after your sister?"

"I have to admit I'm extremely surprised. I never imagined you two could hit it off. But to be perfectly honest, I'm sure I could not ask for someone better for Demi. I know you'll treat her right."

"Thank you so much, you always have my back. I love you. But Dal, I have to warn you; I can't tell you your sister's secret, but it's kinda bad. She's better now, but not thanks to you. And when I go back there, we will talk about it."

Dallas felt a shiver running down her spine. She was worried about Demi. And she knew Selena was right; she had abandoned her little sister. She would give anything to undo that, but there was truly nothing to do. "I'll be here, Selly. I wish you the best of lucks. Just get your girl." With that she hung up.

Selena went to her room, got a pair of blue jeans, a white button-down blouse, clean underwear, and went to take a shower. She was fully awake, but she felt that looking well turned-out for when Demi came back was a good course of action. It only took her about twenty minutes to get ready.

She ate an apple from the pantry, and a glass of milk. She sat at the breakfast nook for maybe ten minutes when she realized that if she didn't do something while waiting, she'd go insane. She was slowly walking into Demi's room to do a little cleaning when the front door opened and she walked inside. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity.

Selena started walking towards her. "Demi, thank god you're back. Where were you? I was so worried."

"I want you to go."

"B—But, why?" Selena stopped immediately; to say she was shocked was an understatement.

"Because I'm not strong enough to deal with you toying with me. I can't understand it myself, but I love you. I know it sounds ludicrous, but somewhere between you saying hello and this apartment, I fell for you. And I know I'm stupid, and someone like you could never fall for a loser nobody like me, and I'm sorry. But that's how I feel. So I need you out of my place, and out of my life. It's going to hurt me like hell, but it's still going to hurt less than if we pretended like everything's alright."

"No."

"What do you mean 'No'?" Now it was Demi's turn to be completely stunned.

Selena stood up at her full height; she needed the slight difference to make her point. "What I mean is 'No, I won't allow whatever is happening between us to be ruined because I acted stupidly and you decided to overreact." Selena was angry, both at herself and at the whole situation. "Yes, I'll admit I made a mistake, and I should've waited some more before kissing you, but I never expected you to run away from me."

"Please, Lena, don't do this to me. Just leave."

Selena walked up to Demi and held her tight. The shorter girl was crying softly. "Demi, I'm sorry, but I meant every word. I'm completely head-over-heels for you. I don't know how it happened, and quite frankly I don't even care. I just know that me being here was not a coincidence. You and I were always meant for each other. I know I hurt you, but believe me, I'll gladly spend the rest of my life proving to you that I love you. How can you possibly believe that it could be otherwise? Never in my life have I met someone as amazing as you. Getting over all that's happened to you, it just blows my mind to think about it. I don't want you to ever feel unwanted or unloved again. I just need you to give us a chance. It will work."

Demi wiped her eyes with her sleeve. She broke contact with the taller girl and turned around; she wasn't sure she was capable of facing her. "I want so much to believe you, Lena. I do. W—When you kissed me, it was the greatest feeling ever. I too don't understand everything that's been going on, but I want to believe it's real. But Lena…"

"I'm Bi. If you don't believe me, ask Dal, she'll confirm it. The Mouse made sure it was kept away from the public." Selena had to interrupt Demi; she was sure it was one of the main objections of the girl. "I should have told you, but to be honest, I never thought about it. And no Demi, I'm not on a break from my boyfriend, we're completely over. I think I loved him once, but that finished a long time ago."

Demi had already turned around to stare directly at the taller girl's eyes, so she knew she was telling the truth. "I believe you, Lena, I really do. And it makes me so happy, you have no idea how much I want to be with you. But you have to understand that it is hard for me. I've spent a great deal of my existence blaming myself for everything that's ever gone wrong in my life. I'm sorry I freaked out on you, but I really thought you we're just playing with me. How could someone like you ever be interested in me?" She ran her hand through her hair. "I want to be with you. I do. I just don't think…"

"I know, I know." Selena interrupted again, happy to see that she was getting through Demi's defenses. "You're not ready to have sex. I totally get it, it's understandable. It was dumb for me to act like that yesterday. But don't worry about it. We'll take it slowly, I promise you."

"Thank you. I would appreciate it. But I was going to say that I don't know how can we make this work out. I live here, in NY, and I'm currently out of a job. You live on the other side of the country, and well, once you tell the Mouse to shove it, I'm pretty sure you'll have a lot of offers from other companies. You'll be very busy. I guess what I'm saying is that it's going to be very hard for us to successfully make this happen."

"Oh my god Demi, I don't care if it's the hardest thing ever, I'll do everything in my power to make it work. Please, don't give up on us before we even begin." She closed the distance to Demi and their mouths found each other once again.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: This is the final chapter. Thank you very much to all of you who have read it, I'm really happy you liked my first story.

Chapter 8

They stood there kissing; drawing every part of each other's essence, committing the moment to memory. Selena marveled at how lucky she was to have found such a person; strong, energetic, a survivor, and at the same time, fragile like a crystal. She was incredibly relieved everything seemed to be better now.

Selena broke the kiss- apparently humans needed to breathe to survive- but she was willing to bet she could survive just on Demi alone. No food, no water, no air. Just Demi. It was so hard, but she had learned her lesson, she refrained from taking things further. It was going to be torture having to wait for her to be ready, but she would do it. Demi was worth every sacrifice possible.

They looked at each other for what seemed like time without end. Each girl was studying the other. How Demi had a habit of biting on her lower lip, with a small grin that showed just the tiniest bit of the gap between her teeth. How her bang had a knack for covering her right eye while she did nothing about it. How her nose had this little bunch of freckles. Her cleft chin. Selena was conscious that one day she would know every single inch of Demi, and she looked forward to discover it all.

Meanwhile Demi was uneasy. Not at all with the way Selena was staring at her like she was a Renaissance masterpiece. She found that incredibly flattering, for she never thought someone would look at her with love ever again. No, she was weary because the way the universe had treated her had made her a realist, and she couldn't help but think about how they were going to make it happen. She gestured for Selena to sit at her couch, asked if she had had breakfast. When she answered that just an apple, Demi got some Kenya AA beans, grinded them, and went through the complicated process of making a couple of perfect espresso doppios, which she served on two brushed aluminum cups. She then got out some brown sugar sticks and some speculaas she had bought as gift to herself the other week, put them on a platter, and set everything on the coffee table by Selena. Apparently, the star took her coffee sweetened. She was more of a straight kind of girl. Or not. Well, when it came to coffee she was very straight. She chuckled at her own little joke while Selena sipped at her cup.

"Mmm! You make a mean espresso." Selena said admiringly.

"I learned in college. I had some free time; I wasn't the most popular undergraduate because of my age, so I took whatever extracurricular the SUNY offered, and one day the only course available was 'Introduction to Coffee Appreciation' taught by this famous Professor called Dr. Juan Valdez. I was hooked instantly; I ran to the store after the first class and spent a lot of money I didn't had to buy my first machine and a pound of beans. I've taken every single course, class, lecture, etc. about coffee I've been able to ever since."

"Wow! You really are a coffee buff! And these cookies, they are wonderful too!"

"Caffeine is life, Lena." Demi said contemplatively. "I don't think I can ever fathom living in world without coffee. The speculaas I bought from a little store a couple of blocks from here."

"I love you, Demi."

Demi sighed and set her cup down. She wasn't sure how to express herself, but she needed to have her say. "I love you too, Lena. Please don't get the wrong idea, but I still have some misgivings about this all. I don't know how we can make it work. Everything seems so complicated."

"Demi, I understand; we'll find a way."

"But how? My life is a mess, and I don't know when I'll be able to get a new job. Or how I'll ever be able to afford the fare to go visit you on the wage the kind of jobs I usually get pay. I can try and cut my expenses, but I'm still going to be hard-pressed. And I know you'll be busy; you're going to get a million movie and TV offers and such. You won't have any time to visit. And I mean, even if you did, would you want to be seen in public with me? Do you think the people are ready to accept you've grown up, left Disney, and hooked with your best-friend's middle sister? Won't it be a dangerous career move?"

"Demi, I can't tell you I've thought about and have an answer for everything, because I don't. But honestly these past few hours the only thing I could think about was if I was going to get the chance to fix up the mistake I made last night. There was nothing in my mind other than: 'Will she ever come back and let me apologize?' 'Will she forgive me?' I guess my point is that the only thing that mattered to me was you taking me back. I didn't cared about what happened after."

"Lena, I don't mean to be a killjoy, but this isn't a movie; love isn't everything you need. Granted, it's probably one of the most important part of everyone's life, but we need to be practical about this too."

"Why do you always say that?" Selena was irked, and she lashed out at Demi. "Why do you always assume I think life is all rosy and sweet? I know I haven't gone through nearly as much as you, but still I'm not some naïve teen with any experience whatsoever, OK? I'm really sick of people thinking that because I'm a Disney Girl I must be dumb or waited on hand and foot, or a fucking princess for that matter, you know!"

"What the hell was that all about?" Demi screamed back at Selena. "I really don't know where did that came from, because up to a few days ago, I didn't even knew who you where, and even though I'll admit I did thought you were a spoiled brat, I never acted on that belief; you never gave me the chance. Since we first met, you proved to me that you were a decent, caring human being. Do you really think I would fall for you otherwise? Right now I'm only saying that we should consider your best interests, Lena. I apologize if I made you uncomfortable, but you really need to take a chill pill."

A heavy silence fell upon the room. Selena was still angry, but she felt justified in a way. She was sick and tired of people assuming she was naïve, and in need of protection. On the other hand, wasn't loving someone all about caring and protecting said person to the fullest extent of your capabilities? Maybe Demi had miffed her, but she was sure it had been unintentional. So now it had been her time to overreact. She looked at Demi silently brooding, both chocolate orbs covered by her bang. Damn it, that girl made it impossible to stay mad at her. She was unsure of how to deal with this now.

"So I guess this is our first fight, isn't it?"

Demi ran her hand through her hair, while slouching back on the couch. "Actually it would be our second one."

"Can we have hot, nasty, sweaty, make-up sex?" Selena said hopefully, in a sexy, hoarse voice.

"Not until fight number ten."

"I'm going to go and smash your coffeemaker; that should count as at least ten fights"

Before Selena had a chance to get up, Demi grabbed her arm firmly. "Sit, horn dog. First off, it's not a coffeemaker, it's a coffee machine. Just as fine watches aren't just watches but timepieces; 'la Pavoni' coffee machines are precision-crafted equipment made in Italy for the discerning palate of the coffee connoisseur."

"Jeez, just don't get your panties in a twist. Looks like someone forgot to take her medication."

Demi ignored Selena's comment and continued. "Secondly, if you actually broke it, it would count as a thousand fights, and still wouldn't get you anywhere near my panties. Actually it would get you so far away from them the only possible chance you would ever get to see my underwear would be if you pointed the Hubble at my hamper."

"Are we cool?"

"Yes, Lena, we are. But I truly think we need to settle how we are going to handle this whole thing."

They were both deep in thought for some time, when Selena spoke. "Mmm maybe you could try getting a job on the east coast, or maybe I could speak with my mom and you could work with us; I haven't told you but we're about to set up our own production company."

"Thank you Lena, but that won't work. I'm not completely opposed to moving though I'm not really sure I want to be so near my family. And then there's the fact that I can't afford it. And I can't take that offer Lena. I'm really grateful for all you've done for me, but I can't take a job working for you, it would make me feel like a kept woman."

"Are you serious?" Selena was angry again. Was this girl for real? "You're kidding, right? What do you mean you don't want to be my kept woman? What makes you think you would be? We're going to need a lot of help getting this company up and running. Why is it so hard for you to accept help? Why are you being so headstrong?"

"Because, Lena, I spent half my life trying to please my mum and sister, and the other half living a crappy existence a thousand light years away from what I hoped it would be. I've been sober for just a bit over a year, I told you. I feel like I need to try and do everything I can to make it on my own. I know I can be hard to relate to sometimes, but I really need you to try and understand me. During all the crap I've endured, no one ever helped me. And still I survived. So now that I'm finally clean and out of that black hole of the soul I was living in, I need to help myself before I can accept help from others. So maybe I didn't explain myself clearly before, and for that I apologize. But you too need to take your meds."

"Three fights in less than a day, we're so near having sex I can taste it." Selena chuckled lightly at Demi.

"Though I really appreciate your attempts at making light of our circumstances, doesn't it bother you that we seem to keep walking into these misunderstandings? Like we're rushing things somewhat?" Demi was truly worried; she wanted so much for this to work. The past few hours had been an emotional rollercoaster, but strangely enough, she couldn't think of a happier time in her entire life.

"I won't lie and say it doesn't, but I'm positively sure we can get over this and any situation. You need to have faith in us, Demi."

"You won't mind having a long distance relationship?"

"Again, I won't lie to you, I would much rather you'd be by my side from right now, but now I think I understand why you need to deal with some stuff on your own. I guess I'll have to wait."

"Thank you Lena." Demi was so appreciative that the taller girl was so understanding. She wondered once again what had she done correct in her life to find someone like her. "I'm not saying it's always gonna be like this; I promise you I'll try and find a job in LA so we can be together."

"Don't forget you promised you'd talk to your family."

"I never promised you that. I promised I would think about it, and I intend to keep that promise."

"And that's all I ask." Selena looked at Demi's eyes; they were so beautiful, two chocolate pools so deep one could drown in them, and knew that she had to kiss her. She took her face in her hands, crashed her lips with her own. Never had someone tasted so sweet. She explored every millimeter of Demi's mouth with her own, and she kissed back with a passion and strength from deep within her soul. They spent the remainder of the day curled up on the couch, both thanking their lucky stars they found each other.

Dallas. Christmas Eve

The doorbell rang at the De la Garza-Munroe household. Dallas Munroe went to open the door and was met by Selena Russo, her mom, Mandy, and her step dad Brian. They exchanged hellos, and where immediately joined by Dianna, Dallas' mother.

"Oh I'm so glad you guys could make it! We were beginning to get worried you wouldn't find our house." Said Dianna cheerfully.

"Ohh Dianna, we live three blocks away! We really meant to get here earlier, but it took Selena forever to get ready. She must have changed her dress five times!" was Mandy's just as cheerful reply. She showed them the big container she was carrying. "We brought dessert!"

Dianna took it from her. "Oh, Brian, Eddie is at the TV room, he's trying to set up this new home theatre he bought; he's been at it since 4. Maybe you could help him so we can have dinner before New Year's." They all laughed while Brian excused himself and walked toward the TV room. "Come on, let's go to the kitchen."

After they had each taken a seat on the kitchen table, and Dallas had served them each a brandy, the strangely silent Selena spoke. "Dianna, have you heard from her?"

The mood turned serious instantly. "No, honey, I haven't; not since that day in August. I'm so sorry."

"No, it's not your fault Dianna. I just needed to ask."

Dianna sighed. "No, Selena. It was my fault. It was my fault since I first started pushing my child away. I have so much to thank you for; you opened my eyes and showed me what a horrible person I was with Demi." Mandy grabbed her hand and squeezed her; mother to mother. "Had I been a better parent, you two might have met before and… a—and nothing would have happened to her." Dianna was nearly crying by now.

Selena had been angry with her. How could she have abandoned her child? But after she had convinced Demi to come back home and talk to them, after seeing their reaction to Demi's tale, and after watching Demi walk out of everyone's life again, there was no way she could still be angry. She was sad, incredibly sad. She hadn't smiled since that fateful day. But Demi had disappeared from the face of the world. She just occasionally left word that she was OK with her friend, Anna, who passed it on to them. She had been waiting ever since for the girl to come out of hiding. She thought it might happen on Thanksgiving, but the date came and went with no contact from her.

"I wish there was something I could do, but she's not answering my emails either," a deeply sad Dallas added.

"It's OK Dal, really. I'm going to wait for her as long as it takes."

"Selly!" Came the exited and overly cheerful voice of Madison Munroe.

Instantly Selena put on the mask she had been wearing for the past months and smiled while the sixteen year old hugged her. "Oh Maddie! How are you? Look at you, so tall and beautiful!"

"Oh shut the front door!"

"Madison! Watch your mouth!" A mortified Dianna reprimanded her youngest.

"Chillax mother. Anyway, I guess since Selly's here we're only waiting for Dems. I hope it doesn't take her that much longer, I'm starving. I got her the most amazing gift you know. Well, at least for her. A first edition of 'Catcher in the Rye'. Took me forever to find. Actually, it took my assistant forever, but same deal."

Selena almost broke when she heard that. No one had told Maddie the whole story; she was completely in the dark about what had her sister gone through, and she sincerely wished she came for Christmas dinner. Even though Maddie knew something was wrong, it was consensually decided to keep her in the dark for a while. It was a bit hard, the kid was used to speaking with Demi around every two months, and getting emails regularly. But it was thought it was best for her; at least until they had a notion of where Demi was. Selena excused herself saying she needed to get something out of their car, but the adults knew she had to go outside before she started crying.

She leaned on her car, parked in the driveway. It was cold outside, but she didn't mind. It was colder inside her heart, and unless Demi came back, it would never stop. How did it ended up like this? She was sure nobody could foresee the way things were going to go when she convinced Demi to talk to her family. After almost 3 months of keeping their relationship quiet, after Demi finally found a job in LA and agreed to accept her help to pay for the move. After months of Dallas trying to get her to tell her what had happened. After swearing she would not pressure her to talk to the family.

It had been a colossal fuck up since the start. Dianna had not reacted well to the news that they were a couple, even though Dallas had helped prepare her. She had been hostile to Demi from the start. But the human waste matter didn't struck the ventilator until she told her about the years of alcohol abuse and what had happened that fateful week back in Manhattan. Dianna had been in total denial, even accusing Demi of making everything up, and then threatened to have her committed to a mental hospital. It had been ugly. Demi had screamed, Dianna had screamed, she had screamed, and Dallas had been quiet once again. That was until the mother slapped the child hard enough to draw blood. Dallas had reacted like a lioness protecting her cub; she stood up to her mother and finally gave her a piece of her mind. Of course, by then it was too late.

Demi demanded to leave, and Selena had obliged. The entire drive back to Selena's, she never said a word. When she had tried to console her, Demi asked to be left alone. She had stupidly obliged once again. The next morning she was gone. Selena had to wonder what their collective malfunction was; she already knew Demi had a tendency to react badly, and still she had left her alone. She should have chained her to the bedpost. There was just a small note saying she didn't blame her at all for what happened, that she needed to be alone, that she was sorry she was hurting her by leaving. Not one mention about where she was going, or when she was coming back. The worst part was that she hadn't even started crying when Dianna was pounding at her door, looking like she had gone through hell, begging for Selena's forgiveness, but most importantly; for Demi's.

A private investigator firm had been hired to no avail. Demi truly knew how to fly below the radar. A month of looking for her showed no results. Then Anna called and passed over the news that the girl was OK. The detectives asked for permission to look into Anna's phone records, and even though she granted it, still no Demi. She proved to be a really sneaky person.

Not a day went by when Dianna didn't ask for forgiveness from Selena and Dallas. She even started going to church. Selena knew she couldn't remain mad at her; her suffering for Demi was fate's punishment, and that was more than enough. But it wasn't easy for her either. Especially on days like this. She wasn't sure how much more she was going to be able to handle.

"Selena?"

She turned around so fast her neck hurt. She would recognize that voice anywhere. Standing there wearing a white long dress and a short blue coat was her; the girl Selena loved more than life itself. Her hair was curled ever so slightly, her lips as red as could be. Had she finally lost it? Was she hallucinating?

"Selena? Are you okay?"

Before Demi had a chance to say another word, Selena walked up to her and slapped her, hard. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Where the fuck have you been all this time? Do you have any idea what you've put me through these last months? Do you have any idea what you put your family through? How could you've been so selfish?" She couldn't stop her tears from falling anymore; all the anger she felt against Demi's behavior, mixed with the relief from seeing her again were too much. She started hitting her chest with her closed fists until Demi grabbed her and held her tight against her body.

For some time, they stayed like that. The slight height difference seemed inversed, as Selena practically crumbled against the love of her life. Demi held her like the world depended on it. She let Selena cry all she needed, while her own eyes remained dry.

Finally, Selena stepped back from the embrace, and spoke. "So what is your excuse this time, Demi? What's your reasoning for shattering my heart like this? How did you figure that it was right to wrench out your mother and sisters' heart? How long do you plan to stay this time before running away? I guess it's what you do best."

Demi stood there and took everything. "I make no excuse for my behavior, Lena. I fucked up one more time. And you're right, making a mess out of things is my specialty. I ran away because I was angry. But not really at my mum or Dallas or you. I was angry with myself. After all that has happened, I was angry at myself." Demi tried to grab Selena's hand, but the taller girl, who by now was actually standing at her full height, refused. She sighed and continued. "I didn't realize it at the moment, but I had to forgive myself before I could allow myself to love someone else."

Selena just looked at her with tired, dark eyes. "I ran away, I made everyone worry about me, and I might have even lost you. I'm not going to say it was worth it because nothing could be worth losing you. But I can tell you that if I hadn't done it, I don't think I would ever been able to completely allow myself to love you. There would always be something holding me back. And I'm so sorry for everything. If you were never able to forgive me, I would understand. I brought this upon myself." Demi looked up at the cloudy, moonless sky. "But I'm begging you, Lena. Don't give up on us. Just as you asked, me not so long ago. Do not give up on us. I will do whatever it takes for you to take me back. I don't care how long it takes. I don't care if I have to grovel, beg on my knees, whatever. I'll do it gladly."

Selena remained silent, her expression unwavering. After what seemed an eternity without any response from her, Demi spoke again. "I can see that you've made your decision. I really don't blame you. What I did is indefensible. I had hoped I might have been able to fix it. But I can understand you. I want to tell you that you will have my heart forever. I wish you only the best. May one day you find true love. I'll go now." She turned around and started walking away.

"Stop!"

Demi stopped, and slowly turned around; she didn't want to get her hopes up, after all, Selena might just want to drive the knife further into her heart.

"I found my true love, she's standing in front of me." She walked to Demi, looked right at her eyes and kissed her. The moment lasted forever. The kiss sealed their fate; their souls became one in that instant. When they broke contact, Demi finally had tears in her eyes.

"You will never know how much this means to me. I have never been more blissful. I promise you I will dedicate my life to make you happy."

Selena wiped Demi's tears with her thumbs. "Just love me. I don't need anything else." A small snowflake found its way to her nose, followed in a few seconds by a lot more. "It's snowing. I can't believe it, it wasn't supposed to."

"It's not snow, Lena. It's heaven's tears of joy for you and me." Demi took her lover's hand, and they walked together, as fate always had intended.

The End


End file.
